Molly, You'll Be Dearly Missed

[tjpierre]

This past Tuesday, my wife and I had to release Molly from her painful body. I cannot begin to put my feelings down on paper of the pain, emptyness and loniness I feel. Molly was with us for almost 12 years and she certainly had a great run. We adopted her from the Arizona Animal Welfare League on 7/4/97 and I still remember asking the keeper to bring her out because she was so shy. When she came out, she ran right to me and layed her head in my lap. We both knew that was the hard luck case we wanted. Faimly and friends said I would never get her out of her shell; but they were all wrong because I spent so much time with her. We hiked, traveled all over the county, and ran. She never once said she was too tired and always was excited to get into the car and visit a new park. As luck would have it, we had to move back to Ohio to care for my father in law who was stricken with liver cancer. Prior to his illness, he would walk her when we were not home and my wife's aunt just loved her to no end. After nine years in Ohio, we traveled back to Arizona and made one heck of a trip across county. As a matter of fact, I planned the trip to hit all the parks we could. Molly loved every minute of it.

Then things changed, first she was diagnosed with underactive thyroid which required medication. We faithfully gave her the meds twice a day. Then she had mites and one vet wanted to put her on a powerful med which would have taxed her system, so we found a hollistic vet who used natural remedies to cure the mites. Then about every six weeks, we took her in for an adjustment because her hips were failing and so the back was getting out of line. Each time the vet did accupuncture which made her a puppy again. However, we all suspected something was brewing in her and as the last few months showed, she started losing weight, had loose stools and didn't have the energy to walk as long. On Sun, she jumped on the bed while I was reading and wanted loved. While that was not odd, it was different in how she accepted it. Then on Mon when I was at work, she wanted loved from my wife. At dinner, I asked my wife if she knew her time was coming. We kind of shrugged it off, but as Monday night progressed, Molly could not get fixed and her walk was more of a shuffle. Even early in the moring, we got up to see her staring at the couch; it was as if there was nothing but a shell standing there.

So with heavy hearts, we were the first appointment on Tues and I rode in the back seat with her. Our vet came out and by the look on her face, we knew. When we got into the room, the vet did her exam and said she could drug her up but we would be back. There was no obvious outward signs of disease but Molly was not Molly. For the first time, she had fear in her eyes, ears were back and as she looked at me, I could tell she was in pain. So we made the painful decision to put ourself second and Molly first by freeing her from her ailing body. Even the vet cried with us. We were all there and I held her head as she drifted off. At that moment I felt so sad, empty and had nothing to live for. On Wed evening, I went to Papago Buttes to watch the sunset which was a favor place of ours. I had her collar wrapped around my wrist and talked to her and even now as I write this, I just want to reach down and scratch her head.

I miss that dog so much that at times there are waves of tears that I just cannot stop, but I also know that I will get through this and once again will adopt a hard luck case to begin developing new memmories. I am planning to attend the pet grieving meeting tomorrow because I need to heal, just like everyone else who has lost a dear friend. Molly, now you are there with all the other pets we have cared for and my father in law. Someday we'll meet again but until then, thank you for making ours lives so much richer, fulfilling and happy. I love you so much and while you are not physcially here, your memmories cannot be taken away from me.

Molly, adopted 7/4/97 made trip across rainbow bridge on 9/29/09

Tom and Dena

[MartyT]

Dear Tom and Dena,

I'm so sorry to learn of the loss of your beloved Molly ~ and what a beautiful girl she is! It is evident from the details of your story what loving pet parents you are, and I can't imagine how empty your home must feel without the physical presence of Molly to fill it. Obviously she was an essential part of your daily lives. It's good to know that you'll be attending the Pet Loss Support Group at HOV this morning ~ I know that there you will be embraced with compassion, understanding and love, and I hope you will continue to feel that here as well.

[tjpierre]

Hi Marty,

Thanks for the kind words! I did attend the meeting this morning and would recommend something like that for anyone. It took a lot of courage to walk in through the door, but deep down in, I knew I needed to face this so the healing can start. The faciliatator (very sweet lady, but I don't recall her name) did a fantastic job and I think the whole group benefited from the sharing session. There was one point made in the meeting which I'd like to share here because for me it is important in my healing and my help others -- it is the concept of choice. I heard many stories today which brought me to tears and then as I shared my story, I realized I have a choice to move forward or continue being sad. I know my Molly would want me to mourn her passing, but she would also tell me (if she could talk) that I must move on, heal and help another hard luck case. This realization helped me chose to change my attitude and begin to move forward with the healing (although I know I have a long way to go), but the remaining part of the day, I felt content and happy. I still had and will continue to have moments where I miss her but each time I had one today, I allowed myself time to shed tears and then refocused on something we did together that was fun, which put a smile on my face. I realize this approach might not be for everyone but my late father in law always told my wife and I that while we may not be able to control what happens to us, we can control our attitude. I cannot control the fact that my Molly is not with me anymore but I can choose my attitude in how I accept it.

Tom

[MartyT]

Good for you, Tom. This is what Viktor Frankl describes in his now famous book Man's Search for Meaning. In his experience as a concentration camp prisoner during World War II, Frankl concludes that a person's reactions are not solely the result of the conditions of his life, but also from the freedom of choice he always has, even in the face of severe suffering. This is not easy, by any means, but it is an attitude that will guide you safely through this journey of grief.

[Leswolf]

Tom and Dena,

Thank you for sharing your loving story about Molly. I lost my beloved Duckers the Tuesday before on 9/22/09. I have felt such grief at times i do not know how I'm supposed to go on without her. I never spent a day without Duckers except when she was in the hospital. This past week I truly felt the aloneness as i have been on vacation for the first time in 14 years without her. We too traveled the country and tried to do everything together including little trips to the store just to run errands.

What is most poignant about your story is the fact that you came to a realization that Molly would not wish for you to just grieve her but to truly remember the glorious times you had together on this earth and what you meant to eachother.

I try everyday to stay out of the negative and do find myself in tears and feeling alone looking for her. But like the rest of us we need to remember that they brought us love in every moment and wanted nothing more than that for us.

I hope that they (Duckers and Molly) have met across the Rainbow Bridge and are sending us all the love in the world to get through this difficult time. Duckers like Molly was a rescue pup...the smallest in the shelter at the time only to grow to be an 80lb mush. I know she would like me to find another to give love and a fresh start to. Not now but at some point...

Good luck to you both and know that they are thinking about us wishing us peace as they have found it thanks to us helping them from their suffering.