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It is Canadian Thanksgiving this long weekend, and all in all, I guess it hasn't been too bad. I wrote on my facebook status that I am "thankful for all the friends and family who have been of great support over these last few months. And mostly for my 20 years with Scott, and his gift to me in Kailyn." Yes, this is true. But it is also true that I am still sad, upset and angry. Angry at myself with the woulda shoulda couldas, angry at Scott for leaving, and angry at God for taking my love just when he had finally started to address his addiction. And I worry about my sister-in-law and mother-in-law, who live on the other side of the country, and are having a very hard time. Another first under my belt....

I miss you, honey.

Korina

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Oh Korina,

My heart goes out to you. Our Scott's were apparently so much alike and our intense and deep love was definatley alike. They are there and still love us and are still watching out for us and our children. Trust that all the pain he went through, he is free of that but don't forget for a minute that he loved you and your beautiful daughter. The would of, could ofs and should ofs will only serve to hurt. They are at peace and happy, we have to, somehow get there without them and that is our struggle and journey. My Scott is living on in our boys and I see his sense of humor, stubborn side, and determination every time I look at my boys. That is his legacy and no one can take away the love I have in my heart and all the wonderful memories we shared for decades...

Hugs

laurie

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Korina,

My heart goes out to you. It is hard to feel thankful about things when your heart is still breaking and in pain. Being sad, angry, and upset it just doesn't seem fair. I think we all at one point try to think what if I did this or that, in fact it can only drive us deeper in that dark place that we are all in. I have been very angry myself lately at God, and ask why so many times. The only thing is that I have to believe that my Deb is doing God's work and that she is fine, no longer any pain.

The one thing that you do have to be thankful for is your little baby. That baby is an extention of you and Scott and the love you have for him. You will see Scott threw that child. It doesn't ease the pain that you feel right now. But embrace and give all you got to the little one. And remember that Scott is there in your heart, soul, and the child you have is sooooo specical. I believe that he is watching over you and your baby.

Please be kind to your self, and just go with the emotions that you are feeling right now. It is alright to be angry, sad, confussed, these emotions are what helps to heal us. You are in my thoughts and prays. Take care.

Deborah

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