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Making It Through

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The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were just so horrible, I didn't think I would make it through the pain. That morning, our boys left to play their traditional football game and I was in the house all by myself with the parade on. Very few calls came in as people were too afraid to say "Happy" Thanksgiving.. I guess. My own mother never called... can't say I come from a "functional" family. I cooked a turkey, ham, stuffing (although I didn't cook Scott's favorite oyster stuffing) and all the works. The boys came home, we watched football, enjoyed one another, ate and then went to see the movie "Old Dogs" It was so good to laugh while passing the time. I made it!

Now it is Christmas time and I decided to continue to fight. Fight not to give into this paralyzing pain, I (we) loved Christmas time, for all the spiritual blessings of the season, for all the warmth that is around this time of year. It is different, and I am so very alone but Scott is with me in spirit and when I hear the music playing, the tree lit and a fire going, I feel his warmth in our house again. Although it isn't the same, it never will be, I want the blessings of this season for our boys. I have not sent out cards, I have not decorated every space of our house like we used to but I am doing what I can and I am making it. By not doing anything, was making me miserable and was certainly not paying any tribute to our love or lives together.

I attended a remembrance mass for Scott and my grandma last night. It was so beautiful, we lit candles, mad ornaments and placed them on the tree in church. We are not alone, there were so many people there sharing the loss of their children, spouses, siblings, parents, and friends.

I am able to hear music now and smile.

There is a great pamphlet called Surviving the Holidays on www.griefshare.org that has helped me and I tell all them about this website too!

God Bless all of you out there, sorry for going on. I am just sending hugs and sharing where I am at ... for today


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Dear Laurie,

You are doing exactly what I have found to do also. I've scaled back considerably, including shopping which I find a chore without Bob to help and bounce ideas off of. Gradually I've been able to add things like sending cards, but my address book is much shorter. I've always loved Christmas and can still enjoy the music (even though some songs bring on the tears) and the lights and the smells.

Bob always wanted our own family Thanksgiving dinner and that is a tradition I carry on because we enjoy it, just us three, but without Bob's favorite stuffing. I took my kids to "Old Dogs" on Thanksgiving and agree that it was good to laugh. It was a movie Bob would have loved because we were older when we had the kids and often were assumed to be the grandparents.

These special days are much more reflective and I so miss his presence in our celebrations, but I know it would be upsetting to him to think we stopped altogether. I think about him constantly and believe he is in a safe place and hope he is looking over us and resting assured that we are okay, too.

Take care, and hugs back to you and your boys.


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You are honoring your feelings and doing exactly what you feel up to doing. That is so wonderful. Do what ever it is that helps you get through this as well as through the holidays. Blessings, Debbie

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Laurie - it all sounds beautiful. Why do you think there is something wrong with you?

I will be putting up some decorations and a small tree, and I have found I can enjoy Christmas music, as well (though I admit I have wondered myself if I am callous for enjoying some of the season). Scott and I both loved Christmas. I think I will find Christmas day the most difficult, because Scott always bought me a pile of presents - he loved watching me open them. And visa versa. This year would have been our first with Kailyn.

I am splitting the 2 weeks of Christmas and New Years between Scott's family and my parents. I would not be able to endure spending the holidays away from them. Being around family will be a comfort.



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Every time you respond to a post and share about your Scott, it is uncanny how similar they were. My Scott also spoiled me with lots of presents and was so excited to watch me open them... although he had such a hard time keeping a secret. :) He wanted to tell me everything he got when; he got it because he was soooo excited.. it was so cute... ;) I can not image your pain with your daughters first Christmas and am so glad you are going to be with family... Christmas was our favorite Holiday. We loved to be together, do for others, shop, be with our boys and so so many traditions and now I walk through the malls by myself, go to bed 7pm .. I just can't seem to move on without him.. even though I am. I HATE it. I don't have young children that give you a reason to stay on a schedule and force you to accept that they need you. My boys are older and don't need me every day like an infant does and Im not ready or willing to reach out... It is so uncomfortable. We were each other's best friend and now what.. aloneness...yippee!!


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