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Losing My Dad


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As an immigrant kid, I remember the last time I saw my dad; I was about 12 years old. Saying “Good bye” to him and crying. But I remember him saying, “You are only going for the summer” you will be back, stop crying “. Of course my dad was crying inside, but he had to be strong for his kids, whom he was sending to the United States. My parent like in many unstable and communist country try to save their kids and give them better opportunity by giving up everything they had so their kids may have a future. It is very common tale in my country where family loses their kids and family members to the oppressive government. Only the lucky kids escape, I along my sibling was were those fortunate one.

So as kids in the United State, I worked had, always remembering my past, and try to do all I can for my younger sibling. I worked multiple jobs, saved up money to help my family and put roof over our head. There were many challenges, being an immigrant kid in this country, but we fought all them thru and survived with God. We didn’t have much but we were strong siblings, and worked hard to go to school, pay for our school and graduate from college. After all this is what my family scarified, so anything less would have been an insult to my mom and dad. After some time, we were fortunate to have our mom here with us. But still my dad who was my world was still unable to reunited with us.

I wrote countless I miss you letters, father’s day letter, sent him everything he needed. But still I was unable to see him; we try to bring him here and also try to visit him there but were unable to get entrance to my own country. But I was still hopeful. Ethnic cleansing was occurring in my country; my dad was all by himself except few relatives. The government started rounding people, confiscating their belonging, kicking them from their job and home, and deporting them. Civil war was happening in my country. It was a very scary time, but the God of almighty protected my dad from being thrown out. My dad lost his job but thru grace of God he was able to remain in the country. He was a stranger in his own country. But still I was hopeful that one day, I will see my dad. I always called him and wrote him how much I loved him. My dad was my world, and seeing him was my dream.

This June I graduated from collage, and I was finally granted an entrance visa to my native country. I was finalizing all the proper documentation to see my dad. This month was supposed to be the happiest month of my life. We talked about and planned where we would go, visiting my childhood town, but most of my dream of seeing and hugging my dad was about to come true, well I least that is what I thought. And telling him that, I his daughter was finally gone be there to protect him, to make him happy and make everything right for him.

My dad is more precious that the air I breath, I LOVED MY DAD with all my heart and soul. He was the kindest man I even knew; he was humble, funny, and wonderful. He loved his kids, his world was just that his kids, and family. So I counted the days, I bought the luggage and asked him what he wanted. Noting matter to me more than seeing my dad. I was so excited so trilled. Four weeks ago, I got call from my dad saying he felt very weak after a minor surgery that he did in August, but he assured me he was fine and was waiting to see me. I was little nervous, but prayed a lot. After all, I was this less than a month away from see him, December 2009 was gone be my time with my lovely dad. So I said the God of love and compassion that knows my heart will keep his promise and my childhood dream of reuniting with my dad. So I said God will come thru. However, the next few weeks, were like bad dream that I couldn’t wake up from. November 15, 2009 was the last time I spoke to my dad, “Dad, I love you, I am coming to see you in less than four weeks I am just waiting to finalize the proper documentation, It just takes time... I said, do you know how much I love you dad, he said, ohh I love you too. Please be strong, and take care of your health. I am coming to see you, and he said, I know. My dad I think knew that he wasn’t gone live to see me, but I didn’t. Because no way, God will not allow this, no way, I said to myself. I am packed ready to see my dad, and I am this close, I know God will not take him away from me now. The last time I saw my dad was when I was 12, that is more than fifteen years ago,; the hope of seeing my dad had always given me courage to do better in life up this point

Needless to say, the next day, November 16th 2009 was the darkest day of life. My lovely dad passed away without seeing his family. My world has crumbed down, my dad, whom I loved has left me. I stayed in bed for next 12 days. I cried, screamed, fell on the floor and broken and bruised. I plead with God for mercy and for miracle. No answer.

Now for the first time in life, I felt I couldn’t make it. I felt like my world has crashed down. My dad is resting, and knowing he is not suffering gives me comfort, but my heart is bleeding. I miss him terribly. I feel broken. My dad who was my world is gone forever now! It has been three weeks, I can’t function, I feel dead inside!

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Hana,

I am terribly sorry that your dad had to die and could not see you. I am sure he wished and tried his best and awaited till he could see you. But God had other ways, for you to see him as he was in your thoughts and prayers. You will always keep him alive , stronger , in your heart where he will live forever. I have my best friend living in my heart who has made me stronger and I know she knows I know she is there for me. I am sure you will know your dad is with you forever.

Kavish

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Oh, Hana, I am sending hugs, love, and prayers you way. I know that you are heartbroken, dear, and I wish I could erase all of your pain. Your grief and your loss are great. Please be gentle with your broken heart and take good care of yourself. I know that it seems totally unfair that you were so close to being reunited with your beloved father. I cannot imagine what you are feeling. All I can offer is to listen as you grieve and to continue to lift you up in my prayers. I hope that you will continue to turn to God who will carry you when you cannot stand alone and will surround you with love and comfort. Come here often, my new friend. Share your pain and anguish. We will listen and we will understand. Though our situations and our grief journeys are all unique, we are filled with compassion and empathy. My wish is that you are able to find moments of peace amidst the pain.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

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Kevish dear,

Thank you for the kind words, And I am sorry for the lose of your best friend. It is comforting to know that she strengthening you! I am still struggling with the term of my dad's death, however, in time I hope to find peace and strength.

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