Rewind

[Babs11]

I often think about, "If I were to write a book right now what would the title be"? The only thing that comes to my mind is "REWIND" (I am going to do this someday so nobody steal my title)! (Ha) . If only I could hit the rewind button and be back at even August 9th, 2009. Normally I couldn't wait to FAST FORWARD, not anymore. Dates have become so significant. Any date before August 10th, 2009 seem so full filling, even if it was a horrible bad day... I just want to rewind so...so...bad...

For myself I don't want to let go..I will never let go of any piece of my time with my husband and prior with him just being my boyfriend..We started out very young and have some really crappy times but as we grew older we just let go of all the "stuff" We have always been best friends even when we separated...I was his Babs and he was my Babe...no matter what...Sometimes this life just steps in takes you for a ride in a different direction but you grab a hold of it and get rid of the garbage...When I look back at some of our difficulties they are so small in comparison of how simple things really are...We both had gotten to that point..our son is now 18 and going about his own life...or starting too...We were finding the time to just relax and smile..I see his smile everyday..every hour...every minute... We all have to find a way to deal with the reality of our situations and we will all work to find the Peace we need...for me it will be through Charity work, being a better friend, just listening when someone needs help and holding their hand through bad times...to further my education and secure a better financial situation (which we wanted so much, and was the route of our evil)...I want to bring out more of our times together and be more organized in my home...I want my home to be surrounded with our love...(it is a disorganized mess, from the holidays and everything else that has been going on. He has been gone for 4mos...and I still haven't been able to complete simple tasks..Just trying to work to pay the bills)...

I "Hate" the word Move on and can't figure out what that means? I long for the intimacy but only from my partner.

I want to keep him as close to me as possible because he give me the strength to keep going and to try to find Peace..I believe since the time we were born we have crossed paths with people who would impact our lives, although we may have not known it then..Now we are in a different boat headed in a whole new direction..and we are connecting with wonderful people who understand us...and who have the unfortunate fate that we do...

Kath..the thing that we have in common with families that have lost everything in a fire is that "we can rebuild" It is a preference as to how we decide to do that but the one good thing about losing everything in a fire is hopefully you still have the ones you love the most..I'd walk barefoot and live in a box if I could have my husband back here.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me and responded to my entries..I would like to respond back..I have worked some long days lately (as I know you all are having very tiring days also)...I haven't figured out how to update my personal information or add friends..Glad it is a New Year because it will probably take the whole year

for me to figure out.

I found this website by accident..and in desperation to find some hope...I am so Blessed!

Love and Peace,

Babs

[Dusky]

Babs,

I say write the book! I know - I did. The pen is a great theraputic tool. See my links below as living proof. My blessings to each of you on this difficult journey.

[Babs11]

Dusky,

I woke up later than I wanted to and had a slight anxiety feeling, so I hopped on to this site..Saw a response and there you were "Bigger than Life" with your enthusiasm and your smile...Suddenly I felt some control...and Yes, I am going to write that book... I am going to look at your links and then get back to you for a "starting point"...

and you know what you sounded just like my husband...He always said..."You can do it Babs". Thank you for being here this morning...Life works in magical ways...I too want to work magic for even one person.

Thank you from all of us.

Babs.

[Dusky]

Babs,

I would be glad to show you the "starting point" - at least what the "starting point" was for me. Writing has been such a great means to help me recover. There is nothing like putting your thoughts down on paper to make them real - to make them come alive - and to give meaning to the loss you are expereincing. Moreover when you write you help memoralize the person you have lost, and you create a legacy for that person.

[Babs11]

Thank You Dusky,

When I get to the starting point I will be getting back to you....You Hit it Straight on the Nail...I want to create a legacy for My Husband because He Will Always Be A Live To Me..

and more than Ever I want to Hit the Rewind Button, Not Just Hit it But Speed Dial It!..

Love and Peace,

Babs

[Sharon3]

Babs..I know how you feel....I created a book and had it printed for my granddaughter for Xmas . She is only 18 months old but one day she will know how much her Grandpa loved her. She was only 8 months old when my husband passed away and she was the light of his life. So I took every picture of them and some others when he was young, the last picture of him, etc. and told her a story of her Grandpa and how much he loved her. I presented it to my son on Xmas Eve. He loved it and I loved making it. I couldn't bare to get rid of his clothes so I kept some and I got someone to make a quilt out of his clothes. I am now wondering what my next project will be to keep him alive.

[Babs11]

Hi, Sharon

You are so creative and thoughtful... To create a book for you Grand Child about Their Grandfather..Your Husband is proud of you..He said, "You pulled through again, Sharon". The Quilt is such a beautiful Idea..and You have giving me a new Idea to hold my Husband close...Our Son graduates from High School in June and I would love to do a

"Grown Up version of a book for him along with some kind of Quilt or Frame for Him of His Dads...This is so beautiful..and now a thought to the future that breaks my heart can maybe become so Beautiful...Thank you

for sharing..

Any Ideas on How you started your Book I would appreciate...

Love and Peace,

Babs

[Sharon3]

Hi Babs...I am sure my husband is proud of me now as he always was. I keep doing things to make sure he is never forgotten. I found some free software on line....The first step for the book was creating a folder in my pictures and moving and scanning pictures into it which I wanted to be in the book. I then grouped the pictures by page and drafted some text. When I started working with the software...you get to pick the background paper, move your pictures onto the site, decide how your pictures will be arranged, you can add a page of text or just a box of text. You can keep going back and editing. I worked on it for about 6 weeks...and finally had to submit it to be printed. (Keep in mind it was for our granddaughter but much of it could be worked into father and son) The first page was titled "how your story begins" and I had a picture of me and my husband and a picture of my husband and our son when he was about one. From there I had a picture of my son and daughter in las when they got engaged, a wedding picture of the four of us and then a picture of our precious granddaughter. I titled it Love, Marriage and our Precious M. and so it went.I did 30 pages. The last two pages were about what my husband liked from what his favourite foods were, what he liked to do, where he liked to travel, how much he loved us etc. and it also included the last two pictures taken of him when we were on vacation just hours before he passed away. If I can be of any further help please do not hesitate to contact me....you can email me and I can give you a call if you like.

I hired someone to do the quilt..I picked out his favourite clothes...she backed it with flannel and trimmed it with his ties. There are t shirts, polo shirts, even a piece of his housecoat....we treasure it. I gave it to my son but we plan on taking it with us to the lake this summer to cuddle up with.

For Father's Dau I gave my son a card and a framed picture which was the last picture taken of just him and his Dad....

Like I said I am running out of projects but I am sure I will come up with something as it brings me peace and tears.

Thanks for your comments - you are always so thoughtful, a characteristic I am sure your husband saw daily...Sharon

[Babs11]

Hi, Sharon

Your ideas our Awesome and it is Great that Your Son and You Can Cherish Them..Thank you for Sharing ways to continue to Keep the Love of Our Spouses Close to Us...Some of Us Are Still Trying to Figure it Out so your Ideas do Help....

I try to laugh now but inside I hurt deeply...My husband and I both tried to bring out the best in the worst

situations..A lot is going to happen this year with out his "Physical" Being... I just want to turn around a sad day to a Peaceful day for Our Son when He Graduates..I hope my Son and I enjoy the Closeness in the future also.

Love and Peace,

Babs