I Can't Make Myself Believe This Is Happening.

[missyme]

The last time I spoke to my brother John was January 7, 2010. We didn't talk long, I was on my way in the grocery store and he was driving home from work. The next morning when I woke there were messages from my Dad and my other brother. John had passed away early that morning from unkown causes.

I just cannot believe it. My brother was only 36 years old.

My family is devastated. I feel so badly for my parents. My Mom because she was so close to him. My Dad because he was never the father he should have been to us and I am sure he feels guilty.

My brother left behind a 16 year old son.

I don't have the words to comfort my family. I don't have the words to make myself believe this is true. I still have voice mail messages on my phone from him and text messages that he sent this month.

I have always had a strong Christian faith but now I find myself saying "there better be a Heaven" because I can't imagine that my brothers life which was more difficult than it had to be would end before he had the chance to find peace if there is nothing after this.

I cry every night and have trouble sleeping. I have been having dreams that this really didn't happen.

I miss my brother so much I regret not spending more time with him and all the times I rushed off the phone cause I had other things to do.

I don't even know how to do this....

[Ron B.]

missyme,

Words, said here, can not possibly upright the loss of your brother. But this community can help. We can let you know that you are understood. Most of us here are going through something very similar. We know something of the pain, the raw emotions, the disruption of a normal life, the loss that can never be recovered.

We hear you. I believe you will find your way forward every day, though the grief is crushing. My own sleep is badly disrupted. I too have messages on my answering machine, from my Mom, who departed 3 months ago. My own faith is being tested, as is yours.

Sometimes there are no words to express the depth of grief. Other times you will find the right words, and it will mean everything to have said them.

I hope these forums will foster your ability to find the right words.

With a prayer to you and your family,

Ron B.

[missyme]

Ron B.

Thank you....the pain right now takes my breath away as I'm sure it does you sometimes.

My faith is being tested...I can't understand the plan or wisdom here at all. It is strange because when others suffered profound loss I felt very secure telling them that we cry for ourselves because the person we lost is no longer hurting. I still feel that is true but selfishly wish my brother was still here instead of in the joyful place where he now resides.

I appreciate the prayers and I'll do the same for you.

Michelle

[suzie]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I also lost my brother, and it is still hard to breathe when certain things trigger a memory. Just know that there are people here who are listening and who care, who have been through it and that you are not alone. Yes, there will be many tears and difficult days. Hang in there. Keep talking to people who also loved your brother and don't keep it closed up. I know for me, it helps to talk about the good memories of my brother, too. I am thinking about you and wishing you peace. I am sending you a very big hug from one sister to another.

Suzie

[eldersister]

I too, lost my brother. Just about 6 weeks ago. I still find myself in tears almost every day. I flle like Ihave lost the other half of my very being.

Unfortunately, I don't have any great wonderful thing to tell you, except that I can understand and share your grief. I lost my mom 7 years ago, and even that loss pales in comparison to the depths of my mourning for my bro.

[missyme]

Thanks for all the support. It is 4 weeks today that I lost my John. I don't feel like doing anything right now - I am just still so sad that it feels like getting through the day takes all that I have. I feel for both of you - it is a unique loss. My brother knew me as who I really am has seen me grow as I saw him. We share parents and memories and it is a huge loss.

[Missin_SIS]

missyme, Im so sorry. I lost my 26 yr old sister over a year ago and its not any easier... All you can do is take it one day at a time. My thoughts are with you and your family.