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Missing My Mama...

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I lost my sweet mama two months ago today. Things are really starting to sink in now, and I am hurting so much. My mama was my biggest fan...my cheerleader. No one will ever love me like that again. I don't have a close relationship with my dad; in fact, our relationship is really quite difficult. :(

Everything seems to bring me pain these days. I am so very sensitive and uncomfortable in my own skin. And I have been angry...not angry because I've lost Mom (although, maybe I am and just won't allow myself to go there)...but angry because most of my friends aren't able to be there for me now (even though I have been there to support them when they've needed it). I also realize that I may be overreacting to some things, so I am trying to avoid certain people and situations for awhile...so I don't lash out and destroy relationships.

I am already dreading Mother's Day. In fact, the last two Mother's Days have been hard (my mom battled cancer for two years), but this year will be my first without her. Mother's Day is also hard for me because I am not a mother (always wanted to have children). I want to do something to remember my mom on this holiday. I was thinking that I may still buy her a card and write to her. She was the absolute best mom for me. God really knew what He was doing when He paired us up. I was so blessed to have her in my life. I know that not everyone is so lucky. I am so sad that she is gone, though, and wish we could have had more time together.

My 15-year-old cat is dying of mouth cancer, so that is also adding to my sorrow. It is so hard to see her get so sick. I have to liquefy her food now so that she can eat. That is causing me to think a lot about my mom when she was sick. In the beginning, the cancer was "squishing" her esophagus, and she had trouble swallowing even the thinnest liquids. I really was scared that the doctors were going to let her starve to death before they even began treating the cancer.

Well, I guess I am rambling now. I'd better stop because this is getting long. Thanks in advance for listening and for your support.

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I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Please allow yourself time to heal. Stay away from those who cannot help you right now, if only to save those relationships. Put your trust in God and talk to your mom often. Take her beautiful flowers for Mother's Day and write a letter.

My mom has been gone for two years now and I still miss her as much, if not more, than when i first lost her. She was AND STILL IS, my life.

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I am so sorry, I can't not believe there is somebody out there who is feeling almost exactly like I am. I lost my Grandmother at the end of May in 08 and then my mom on the 8th of Aug. It has been a year and 1/2 and I still have so much ache in my heart. I have a very turbulent relationship with my Father, although I was there for him during the whole time my Mom was ill. I was the one he called at 2 AM if he needed something, I was the one who took care of her while he was in the hospital, but now, he acts like I don't exist. Invites my brothers over but forgets me.

Its not so much that I care, but there is nobody out there to care for me like my Granny and Mama did. She thougth I could do anything, my father, thinks I can't do anything right.

I am so scared that after 1 1/2 years I am still in so much pain from there absence. People think I should be over it, they dont realize I havent been able to grieve just for myself because I was so busy taking care of my Dad and my brother, who has gone of the deep end drinking. Then to make matters worse, my favorite Uncle, my moms little brother died unexpectedly on Dec 20th of this year. My whole foundation is shaky. I am not married and have no children. I do have 2 incredible neices but they are at that age away at college and I in a way mourn them as they are no longer there like they use to be.

Anyway, just want you to know that yo are not alone and I hate to tell you, it doesnt get any easier any time soon.

Hard part is, nobody to talk to cause they all think I should be over it....... :( P.S. write her letter and put it in a balloon and release it on Mothers Day, it helps a little.

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Thank you, Deb, for your response. I am so glad that I've found a safe place to talk about my mom and my grief; I know it will help.

I do trust in God, and my faith is the only thing getting me through right now. Sometimes I catch myself saying, "Poor Mom," when I think about how much she suffered while she battled cancer. But then I remind myself, No, it is poor me (and the rest of us who have to go on without her). She is at peace now, no longer suffering, and she has everything that she needs. She is the lucky one...I can't even imagine how wonderful it is for her right now.

I know that I'll be with her again one day, and that is comforting, but I do so miss her now.

Deb, I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will comfort us and give us the strength to carry on without our precious mothers. (((hugs)))

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beautifulmistakes: Hugs to you...you have been through so much...all of the losses and then the turmoil of taking care of others. Please take care of yourself, too, okay? Don't hesitate to send me a message when you need to talk. I'm a good listener. More hugs for you...(((beautifulmistakes))). I wish you the best.

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Hello there! I was looking frantically for a place online that could help me and find some people who "get it". Here we are! My dear friend joyNmourning our stories are very similar. I have one sister and I don't know how to live without my Mom. I am 28 years old my sister is 31 and my Mom was 54. She was a single Mom since I was 3 and my sister 6 and struggled our whole childhood to keep us with a roof over our heads and food in our tummies. We don't have much to do with Dad - a call here and there. My Mom is my world, my hero, my best friend, my crying partner, my laughing partner, my guide, My MOM! She takes the place of my Mom and my Dad all in one. An amazaing lady. Here is our story:

You have cancer!!! These three words are the worst words you may ever hear. Not only for the person directly affected but also for everyone who loves this person.

In August 2008 our Mom (I have one sister) was diagnosed with what was thought to be stage II uterine cancer. She was assured by doctors it was caught early and was in the best place cancer can be. After surgery and further testing we found out it had progressed farther than we originally thought (they didn't take her lymph nodes). Now she faced months of chemotherapy and radiation, which she was told was only for precaution. Three months later, she went to get a check up, expecting she had a clean bill of health, but instead leaving the doctors office now knowing her cancer had metastasized to her lungs, colon and bowels. Not much hope was given to us that day. We were told they could only do chemo and only hope that it would slow down the spread. This was the most devastating news we have ever dealt with in our lives (at that point). My husband did hours upon hours of research hoping he would find something with a potentially better outcome.

Approximately three weeks later she was transferred to a new doctor at Princess Margaret Hospital in Ontario, Canada (where we live) where they tried a new trial medication in hopes of not only slowing the spread but stopping it in its tracks. It helped two areas of her cancer (they didn't grow at all) but her bowel cancer kept growing. That cancer started to sweat causing her to bloat and feel very uncomfortable. They needed to drain her tummy every week getting about 10 pounds of liquid each time (she looked pregnant). Being so boated Mom didn't feel like eating and giving her IV would go to all of the wrong places, such as her lungs and she would have drowned.

Mom went downhill very fast once she gave up eating due to vomiting each time she tried. She suffered only a short while (about 2 weeks, she was violently ill) and passed away peacefully at home with her whole family around her bedside on January 23rd, 2010 exactly 4 months after hearing her cancer had spread. She fought her hardest but was beat by this terrible disease! Rest In Peace Mom!

Things are starting to sink in now and I am totally heartbroken and I feel like I dont know how to go on without her. I want her so badly and miss her like crazy. My security blanket is gone! She always wanted a grandchild from my husband and I as we were just married in July 2009 (her and my dad gave me away) and she really wanted one even before that as we have been dating 10 years and married 7 months. I couldn't give her a baby (4 years ago until about now) because my husband was ill with epilepsy and was having 4-5 grand mal sezuires a day. We were very stressed. When we calmed down and got his meds under control to stop the seizures Mom was diagnosed with Cancer. I asked the doctor if I could get pregnant and he said "no". He told me at this high stress level with learning my Mom has cancer I would either not be able to get pregnant and if I did, I might lose it. She never bothered my sister as she has 4 kids whom my Mom was like a second mother to. Her wish was for ME to have a baby. I never got the chance and I am so angry about that. It hurts me everyday and I want my unborn child (not even prggers yet) to have THAT grandma that would have been his/her life as she is my life. I hate myself for not giving her what she wanted years ago.

I know I have rambled long enough....I miss my Mama too is the bottom line! Maybe we can get through this together! Thanks for listening! This picture is of my Mom at our wedding on July 4th, 2009 with a gorgeous wig on and she passed on January 23rd, 2010 - she looks so HEALTHY at our wedding and 6 months later she had her real hair back and she went to Heaven! UNREAL!



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  • 2 months later...

My first Mother's Day without my mom. It's been almost five months since she passed. I'm doing better than I thought I would. I went to church. Then, I looked through old, family photos. I bought a Mother's Day card--I will write my mom a note later when I can get my thoughts in order. More than anything, I just want her to know that I love her, and that I appreciated all that she did for me. She showed me such love. She sacrificed so much.

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