All The Big, Little Things......

[eldersister]

It's like a snake in the grass, lying in wait while you are blindly walking by, and it strikes you all over again.... You thought it was under control, and then BAM.

My teenager is 17. Before my brother died, he helped me giving her rides to and from school, and work, after my divorce where my ex is no longer involved in my kid's life. My brother became her surrogate dad, and then, he was gone.

So, I had to buy a new car. No husband no brother, just me and the barracudas called car sales men. I prepared myself well, made a deal on the internet, played one dealership against another, got a good interest rate, did all my homework, and went out ---- deal in hand, to buy the car. And I did. Got a good price, and good financing. But even though I KNEW that this would be hard, it didn't occur to me that this was the beginning of not ever having him there for these "big" decisions.

I always took care of him emotionally -- and when he was ill -- (too many times) but it was he who was my sounding board for financial decisions, and planning, and the "real" stuff....and there I was....without him.

I did fine, until it was time to drive home the new car. I had a friend come with me, so daughter wouldn't be driving the old car alone, we went out of our way an hour for a great deal....but I was driving the new care alone. And I lost it, on the freeway....tears streaming down my face, saying out loud, "you should be here, you should be here." And he wasn't, he isn't, he won't be. And it's so unfair.

[kath]

You are so right...it isn't fair. I haven't lost a brother, but I did lose my spouse, my best friend, my cohort and my sounding board on every decision. So, you lost it, but you did accomplish something really major...buying a car! Are you kidding me, I freaked out having to buy tires for mine! You did what you had to do (and really well from the sounds of it.) I'm sorry you won't have help getting your daughter places. I'm sorry you lost such a good friend. I understand how tough it is right now, the realization. Congratulations on getting through a huge milestone. Your brother can't be replaced. He'll always be remembered. And it will never be fair.

Kath

[loulou]

It's like a snake in the grass, lying in wait while you are blindly walking by, and it strikes you all over again.... You thought it was under control, and then BAM.

My teenager is 17. Before my brother died, he helped me giving her rides to and from school, and work, after my divorce where my ex is no longer involved in my kid's life. My brother became her surrogate dad, and then, he was gone.

So, I had to buy a new car. No husband no brother, just me and the barracudas called car sales men. I prepared myself well, made a deal on the internet, played one dealership against another, got a good interest rate, did all my homework, and went out ---- deal in hand, to buy the car. And I did. Got a good price, and good financing. But even though I KNEW that this would be hard, it didn't occur to me that this was the beginning of not ever having him there for these "big" decisions.

I always took care of him emotionally -- and when he was ill -- (too many times) but it was he who was my sounding board for financial decisions, and planning, and the "real" stuff....and there I was....without him.

I did fine, until it was time to drive home the new car. I had a friend come with me, so daughter wouldn't be driving the old car alone, we went out of our way an hour for a great deal....but I was driving the new care alone. And I lost it, on the freeway....tears streaming down my face, saying out loud, "you should be here, you should be here." And he wasn't, he isn't, he won't be. And it's so unfair.

I in some ways feel like I lost my big brother.My dad died two and a half months ago.He was very young at heart.He was my bestfriend my whole life.He was daddy when I was small,and when I was a teenager,going to high school,I lived with him and his girlfriend,who was only in her early twenties.Needless to say,my dad was the coolest thing to walk the streets in my small town.I had the house everyone wanted to be at.i'm not jokeing when I say,everyone wanted to be friends with my dad.Now as an adult,my dad was simply my best driend.We talked daily.We even have children the same age.He would call and ask for my advice on parenting.He died so fast that I didnt have time to except it.All I know is how lonely I feel,how much I miss him.But it is FOR SURE all the little things that bring me to my knees.Songs,movies,everyday jokes or sayings,and ecspecially nicknames.My furnace broke a few days ago,first thing I would have done,call my dad.My mom and I had a fight yesterday...I wanted to call my dad.My little brother got into trouble at a bar...I miss my dad,and my rock.Good luck to you honey,all we can do is hold on with all our might.

[Korina]

It is so UNFAIR! That is a phrase I know well. I guess we just have to ride the emotions as they come.

Take care,

Korina