Holidays And Bereavement

[Rosebud]

I lost my father on September 7, 2009. I was very close to him and I was the one who did everything for him. I am one of 4 children. My 2 brothers and 1 sister all lived far away from him. I lived the next town over so I ran over his house when he needed me. He loved to see me when I came over. I have so much guilt that I could not do enough for him but I never knew he would leave this world so quick. I really am having a lot of problems and saddness when it comes to the holidays. Every holiday so far I made sure I was with friends to distract me from my father's loss. I know I can not escape from all the holidays but by then I hope things will be a little better. After my father's death I joined an 8 week bereavement group with my church and met really great caring people which really got me though the first 3 months of his death. Now I am in another group which is helping me. I am starting with a one on one counselor this week and I hope between the group and the counselor it will make the holidays a lot better. I was just wondering if anyone else felt that way around the holidays and does it get better. Rosebud

[loulou]

My father died on New Years day this year.I'm having trouble with every occasion.Birthdays,and Easter so far are the ones I had to deal with,but I can tell EVERY holiday is gonna be tough.I'm having a hard time with everything in my life.All my relationships are suffering.I cant help how I feel,but I guess I should try to hide it better because no one understands.I lost my father suddenly too.I'm sure its very normal to feel the loss more on holidays.Holidays are for families,and we are both missing a huge part of that.I'm sorry you lost your dad.It hurts,I know.Good luck to you.I would like to know if it gets better too.By the way,I had a friend in high school named Rose.My dad nicknamed her rose-bud.Ironic.

[jodo]

Hello dear Rosebud , I'm so sorry about your Dad, you've probably noticed there are alot of us ("girls") that have lost their Daddies, so we know exactly what you are going through. I am new to this group too ,but I think it's already helping me. My Dad went into a coma on Dec 24,2009 and died on Dec.30,2009 , So Christmas never happened (and I can't imagine ever celebrating it again) Easter was my first Holiday without him, and it was horrible, I cried, and cried ! Like you, I lived next to my Dad and saw him often, but still feel like I should have done more, said more, etc. I have a one brother that lives far from us, and I'm envious that he can be "removed" from all the sadness here ( My Dads house, etc,) Every tiny thing here reminds me of my Dad, and so I just remain in a constant state of sadness. I hope you have success with your counselor, I have one too, and it helps a little - These day's every LITTLE BIT helps ! I'm sure I'll talk to you again soon, Know that you are Loved and understood here ! Hugs xoxo

[niamh]

I am sorry rosebud.i lost my doting Dad just before Christmas suddenly.I'm an only child and still live at home.there are so many small things that remind me of the big gap.dinner every day is a struggle with the empty chair.

I thought yesterday would never end and it just reminded me that if Easter which is only one day is so hard what on earth will Christmas be like. I feel all holidays are ruined forever and there's no escaping then as you say.I'm trying so hard not to think of it,I know it's far away yet but it's coming regardless. I spent most of yest lying on my bed wishing my Daddy was here,wondering what he was doing. I could not talk to anyone at all yest,as soon as I'd open my mouth tears would come.

I'm glad you get help from the group,I don't think they have any where I live.anything I've seen for bereavement is all for suicide,kids,miscarriages and grieving kids. WOW it makes me think,what about me,what about adults who lose a parent,don't we count. For now I couldn't go to one anyways but who knows later.haven't gone for conselling,just don't feel like talking and having someone analyse what I'm saying,trying to steer my mind a different way.maybe I have it all wrong what they do but I guess I'm not ready.

I'm just lonely and sad all the time and the only way I feel that will ever change is if Dad came back which isn't gonna happen so I will just do what I have to do and hope the years fly by faster and faster.

Hugs from another Daddys girl (wow there are so many of us here!!)