Recent Death Of Little Sister

[tmanning]

My sister died April 28, 2010 from ARDS. She was 27. She contracted H1N1 influenza which progressed to pneumonia and then to ARDS. She was heavily sedated/unconscious and on a ventilator for seven weeks, having being admitted to ICU on March 10th and placed on vent immediately that night. For a brief while it looked as if she might be getting better but then took a bad turn and was placed on inhaled nitric oxide for most of the remainder of her illness. The ordeal of watching her suffer thru this and watching my elderly parents have to suffer as well, still leaves me feeling numb and when not numb, angry. I know my sister is in Heaven and take comfort in that assurance, but just do not understand why this had to happen to her.

[Missin_SIS]

I can not tell you how sorry I am. I my found my big sister passed away who was 26 suddenly and unexpected so I understand what the pain is... I couldnt ever imagine watching a sibling die though. I cant tell you that the pain will ever get better or even lessen because it wont. I lost my sister on 01/14/2009 and I still grieve intensely ever single moment. But times will come where you may not think about her every moment. And those moments will come more and more often. I know it feels like that it'll never happen but it will.... Not now but in a few months you'll be able to take a deep breathe for a minute. and you may even be able to think of her without crying. I am just SO incredible sorry for losing your sister. I know you'll never feel whole again. I'm here if you ever need to speak.

[Lauren52]

My sister died April 28, 2010 from ARDS. She was 27. She contracted H1N1 influenza which progressed to pneumonia and then to ARDS. She was heavily sedated/unconscious and on a ventilator for seven weeks, having being admitted to ICU on March 10th and placed on vent immediately that night. For a brief while it looked as if she might be getting better but then took a bad turn and was placed on inhaled nitric oxide for most of the remainder of her illness. The ordeal of watching her suffer thru this and watching my elderly parents have to suffer as well, still leaves me feeling numb and when not numb, angry. I know my sister is in Heaven and take comfort in that assurance, but just do not understand why this had to happen to her.

I just wanted to reach out and let you know I am going through a similar situation. My 29 year old brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer on February 10th, 2010 and given one month to live. He passed away on March 13, 2010. They sent him home from the hospital to die in his tiny apartment. He signed himself into hospice and his girlfriend, my mom, my stepdad and I were there for the whole month watching my brother go through mental and physical misery. We stayed strong for my brother and looking back on it, feels like we were completely numb and in a fog. I am having a hard time dealing with those times of suffering both for my brother and my family. I, too, want to be comforted by the fact that he's in heaven and not suffering anymore but I'm so angry that he had to suffer at all! He wasn't even given the opportunity to fight the disease - just pure surrender to death. It's an awful part of life. I hope you are finding answers and peace with this forum. take care

[tmanning]

Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother. Our family was somewhat nontraditional as my sister was much younger than me, arriving when I was 18, so in many ways she was more like a niece or even like one of my kids - I used to rock her and my son at the same time, one on each arm. I'm a nurse and thought I understood what was happening from a medical standpoint, and thought I was ready for what was coming, but for past few weeks am struggling with how ANGRY I am that God didn't answer the fervent prayers of our entire family and community for seven weeks. Jeanee' too didn't have a chance to fight, she was transferred to a larger hospital and placed on a vent that same night, all the while thinking that she would 'get better' from the pneumonia...the last thing she said before they tubed her was, 'maybe if I just try a little harder" to breathe on her own. She was so scared, and then she was sedated for seven weeks, and then she was gone. It's been ten weeks now and I feel like I'm waking up from a bad dream to find that I am furious! and feeling this way flys in the face of everything I've ever been taught or believed, I know we aren't meant to know question God but I just want...I'm just so mad at God, and I can't even say that out loud...but somehow feel safe writing it here. anyway, thank you for the ear and God bless you and yor family as you struggle with your loss, condolences.

[tmanning]

Missin_SIS,

Thank you for your words of encouragement, and my sympathy on the loss of your sister. Am having some days that are easier than others, but mostly right now am struggling with anger that her life was taken so suddenly, anger that my mom and stepdad had to watch helplessly while their baby died, just anger that all our prayers were answered with a resounding 'NO' I'm a Christian and know that I must reconcile myself to God's will, and am sure that I will in time, but right now I'm just furious. Thank you for listening and for your comforting words, and just for being a sounding board for the things that I can't say out loud to my family or even myself at times, but somehow it's easier to type them. I've got a lot of work to do, I know.

[waltermeyer]

I know how hard it is to watch a loved one suffer in the hospital. Its absolutely exhausting in every way. I recently, Aug 1st, had my best friend for 28 yrs, who I considered a brother, go through 54 days in the hospital to only die there on sept 23rd. Its undescribeable. Not just for yourself, but like you said, for other family, his children. I cant express how sorry I am. I know this event has totaly spun me out. I dont know what to do or how to take a step forward. Im stuck. I will keep you in my prayers and I know it doesnt make you feel much better but your not alone. I know it feels that way. Trust me. Its not fair. Life isnt fair. I hope you can find some direction here and if you choose to go to therapy. I am new here and came to find some help. Your sis is not in pain anymore and is looking down on you wishing you werent so sad. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make this whole f'd up situation better. Just take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Time is on your side. I know I cant wait to meet my brother on the other side. But in the mean time, life goes on whether we want it to or not. Keep your head up and know there are people that are on your side even if you dont know them. Prayers cant hurt. And I wish you the best. I am so sorry.

[keyboardplayer]

Hello, Dmanning. My prayers are with you. My situation is similar to yours, in that we thought she would recover. When we lost Grampa three months ago, we had at least a few weeks to prepare, but we never dreamed my sister would not pull through. My mom didn't want me to go to the hospital because they were keeping her isolated. She told me that when they took my sister out of ICU and put her in a private room, that I could go see her. I feel pretty bad because I wasn't there. The last time I saw her we were sort of fighting. It wasn't anything serious, just typical sister stuff, but I regret that that was the last time I saw her.

[waltermeyer]

I also thought my bro was going to make it. We stuck it out for 54 days. 30 days in the trauma icu and the rest in the regular icu. He had many surguries and was healing great. The last surgery he had was like 9 hrs and it went well like all the other ones. He was in recovery for 4 hrs. When they went to move him from recovery to his icu room, he coded. They got him back but after 25 min of nothing. No oxygen. They couldnt believe they got him back. So they put him on life support just long enough to get his children down from Reno to Vegas to say goodbye because he was obviously brain dead. We later found out that some respitory tech changed his trachea before they moved him from recovery and missed his airway. They were bagging him from recovery and thought everything was fine. All of a sudden the bag wouldnt squeeze. They had missed his airway so all they did was fill his chest cavity up with air and collapse his lungs. They took something and poked a hole in each side of his chest and it was like popping a tire. But he had already coded and so it was too late. After him fighting for 54 days, and recovering so well, he wasnt going to need to be maintained in a hospital for much longer. We were ready to take him home. It was so devistating. Going from not thinking he's going to make it when we brought him in, to realizing there was brain activity and with reconstructive surgeries he would live. He was walking and writing the day of this surgery. Then just lights out. Like someone just flipped a switch. So fucked up. Someone at the hospital killed him basically. And they have the balls to send a bill, made out to him, after his death, for $1.2 million. We are in the process of a lawsuit. But this hospital has a $75k cap. So if his kids get $25 a piece for college then I guess thats as good as were gonna get. Just wasnt supposed to happen. He fought so hard. Only to have his life taken by someone who we and he trusted to take care of him. I know it was an accident, but when your dealing with life or death, you need to make sure you at least hit an airway with a trache. It wasnt like he coded in surgery or something. This was totaly avoidable. I dont even know what to say or think anymore. But I definitly feel your pain. The rollercoaster of his recovery. To end this way. 35 yrs old. So bad.