What's Wrong With Me?

[nwnightowl]

Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since my darling Harley passed away. I held him in my arms as he died and I still can't get my mind around the fact that he is really gone. I walk around the house in a trance just crying "I want my Harley back". I know he's gone, but I can't even begin to comprehend it yet. I've cried so much I am actually starting to feel physically sick. When I think of all the years aheead without him I just want the world to end, it's too much to understand. My life has been a string of losses and I just don't understand why we always need to lose the ones we love the most. I miss you Harley!!! I will love you forever and treasure the time we had together. XOXO Elizabeth

[kayc]

Elizabeth,

There is nothing wrong with you except you are grieving and your heart is broken. In the last 6 years I have lost my husband, four cats, and a dog to death plus had one husband leave me for someone else. I also lost my dream job and my financial security. When we're in the middle of this loss, it feels like the world will never be right again, and in some ways that is true because it won't ever be the same as it was. But eventually we cope with the loss and maybe we numb to some of the pain so that it becomes more tolerable, although from time to time something triggers a memory and we are right back in the middle of it again...but little by little it becomes less frequent and lesser in duration. I guess we learn to live with it. We don't like it, we didn't get a choice in it, but it is there all the same. My heart goes out to you, for I got a dog 15 months ago after my husband left and my dog died (the same week I lost both), his name is Arlie and he is my baby, my dearest companion...when the day comes that I lose him, it is going to kill me inside. There is no dog that could ever come close to his spirit, his personality, his love and devotion, he is amazing. And I know you feel the same way about your Harley. I'm just so sorry you are hurting so much. Have you thought about doing something in his memory? Sometimes just putting action to something inside of us helps relieve some of the pain because we're doing something constructive...it restores some of the feeling powerless that we get when we lose someone. Good luck to you.

[Imadaddysgirl2]

Thank you for both posts. I lost Cal 5 days ago and still expect him coming in through the front door for dinner. My husband and son are not grieving as much as I am, and my heart is just so broken. I lost my dad 7 months ago, and even though that was much worse, Cal got me through that. He was my constant companion, and if I could have taken him to work at the hospital, I would have! I will do a tribute to Cal. Something more than writing. I feel like I need to go out and talk to him, near where he is buried. I will place something near him. I'm sure he is happy in his final resting place as it is in a wooded area and he always liked to play jungle kitty! Thanks so much again!- Renee

[kayc]

I buried my Lucky where my husband's ashes are scattered, in the back yard, and also my cat George is buried there. I planted a little Maple tree there, it may take years to get it going, but it seems fitting since they all loved the country and woods where we live/d. My best to you.