LAB Posted May 24, 2010 Report Share Posted May 24, 2010 Hi, I am new to this site, but I sought out a site like this because therapists, for the most part have not experienced the losses we have all felt. I lost my father November 8, 2004, three days after my 18th birthday. He died of Pulmonary Fibrosis. His death was sudden, due to the fact he was misdiagnosed. Once they discovered what was truly wrong, he was not strong enough to go through the necessary treatment. He was only 54. I was a senior in high school when he passed. I graduated and went on to a great college. I talked to a doctor after he died, but I did not stick with it. During my junior year of college, I think the whole reality of his death finally hit me, and I shut down. I experienced a lot of the similar feelings others had on this site before then, lack of motivation, sadness, and thoughts about him not being able to walk me down the aisle or meet my kids. Everything just seemed so much more intense, 3 years later. Now, I have since transferred schools because my grades and relationships with friends deteriorated so much. My new school is not prestigious,like my first one and makes me feel like a failure. I am 23 but I feel like my life is out of control. I have no idea when I am going to graduate, I rarely see friends, and I feel like I do not know who I am anymore. Counseling is expensive, as is medication, and I do not know how to begin to get myself back together. I am at the point where I cry everyday when I think about how my father is not here. Everything I do I think about how disappointed he'd be if he were here. I am scared that my grief is becoming an excuse. My father was so accomplished, intelligent, and overall great person, and his death is tearing me and my life apart. If anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice, I am open to hearing anything. I just feel overwhelmed with grief and do not know how to get my life back on track. I just want to become someone my dad would be proud of and to become the person I know lives inside me somewhere. Thanks for taking the time to read this. LAB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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