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Fearing The Upcoming Holidays!

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I know I have 5 months until Christmas but its so hard for me to imagine enjoying the holidays when all I can think about was watching my Mom lay in a hospital bed watching each breath wondering when it would be he last breath. Wondering why God was taking her at Christmas time. How could this happen to me. I know there isn't a time a year that would be easy to lose a loved one, but CHRISTMAS!!! Can't God make exceptions? Couldn't he just not take anyone around the celebration of his son's birthday. I may sound selfish, but I just don't understand. I have a relationship with God. I love him so dearly! I pray about this so much. Just understanding. I know there are things in my life that just are not meant for me to understand. I just want the hurt to go away.

I have 4 children. I want this Christmas to be sooooooo special. I don't want them to remember Christmas as a time that their Grandma died and Mommy is sad. I am trying to prepare myself. I loved Christmas. Mom made Christmas soooo special. I can't remember a bad Christmas. Until this one of coarse!!!

I know one thing we are doing as a family is adopting a family for Christmas and buying their gifts in honor of my Mom. She came from a very poor family and told us the story a 1,000 times of how the only gift she got one year was a doll from the Salvation Army. We did a memorial fund with her funeral and we would like to help a couple families with their Christmas.

It's 7 months today that Mom past away. I still hurt, some days are better than others. It still doesn't seem possible that she could be gone! What I would do to hear her sing, smile, tease me a lil. Mom couldn't sing but she loved to do it!!! I remember sitting on her bed side at Christmas time, and telling her I would give anything in the world to walk into her house, like I did so many years and hear her sing Silver Bells one of her favorite Christmas songs. Thats going to be one song that will kill me this Christmas.

I'm hoping Christmas goes better then I think it will!!!

I know its 5 months away, but knowing this holiday will be coming before we know it just hurts me so bad and I'm not sure how to get through it!!!

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Hi Momof4,

Our world is for the love of God. We are his children. So we neither give or take from him. He wants us to believe in his wisdom, as we put our trust in him, he too trusts us. Take your time. God loves us all.

Take care,


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hi Momof4,

I can relate so much to your post, as the summer pushes on more and more I am filled with the worry of Christmas and the first year anniversary.

I remember the exact moment the doctor stopped CPR and all that went through my head was "NO,NOT AT CHRISTMAS". I think C'mas would have been ruined anyways regardless but now added to it is the very date I lost my Dad being one week before it.

I don't have children so I feel I can somehow try to avoid it as best I can. I know I will go to pieces as it nears and I start seeing decorations. I keep thinking how much of it I can actually avoid. As synical as it sounds, I simply no longer want it to exist. Like you I cannot remember a bad one, my Dad loved it so much, it was such a special time and I always loved the long break from work, being around family and having fun.

I just dread it and all the anger, loneliness and pain that it will bring with it.

I am glad you can pray, I cannot, I'm too angry with him and I think I may be until the day I meet my Dad again.

wishing you much peace and comfort


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Hello Momof4,

First of all I am so sorry about the loss of you Mother, I also lost my Dad this past Christmas ( He had a stroke on Christmas eve morning, went into a coma and never came out of it, we had to take him off of life support on Dec.30th) I have been thinking about Christmas a lot lately, as a matter of fact just 10 minutes before I even read your post I was sitting here crying because I was thinking about never getting to drive around and look at Christmas lights with my Dad again. It's really strange that I found your post right now?? I, like you am dreading the Christmas songs, I have a video of my Dad on my phone singing "Winter Wonderland" just a few days before everything happened. You are lucky that you have children, that will probably help you a lot. I have none, and have already told my family that I probably won't be celebrating it this year. My Dad and I loved Christmas SO much, I honestly don't know how I'll get through it ?? ( I guess with the help of everyone else on this site!) Peace and Love, Jodi :)

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