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Five Years And Missing Mom Like It Happen Yesterday


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Hi All,

I am missing my mom like it was yesterday, I am really having a very hard time right now... I have to see a psychiatrist and I think this could be some of the problem... My mom was always there when I needed her to come to an appointment with me... I just feel ill all the time now because I just want my mom so much... Shelley

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Hi All,

Things are getting worst, I want my mom so very bad... My siblings will not give me an answer about my parent's remains, I still can not find a job... It is so awful why I can not find a job doesn't anyone want me??? I have to see the psychiatrist and I am really thinking I am going crazy... They tell me it could be depression but sometimes being diagnosed with depression it also can be ADD OR ADHD which to me would be worst... I just can not figure out why I can not feel happy... I want to feel happy but the more I try the worst it is, People do not understand why I am not happy.. I want to make things better but I just do not know how... Some days I just pray and wish God would let me go home with Him but I guess He is not ready for me but I am ready for Him....Shelley

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Shelley,

First of all, remember to be patient with yourself. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, the job situation is quite difficult at the moment for a lot of people, but don't get discouraged. About the psychiatrist, I recommend not to worry for what hasn't happened yet. You are a strong woman, you can keep going. I know times are hard and you miss your mother very much, but you need to keep going. Do you have a good circle of friends? or support group?

When I am feeling down I just let my emotions out to God, in prayer and it helps me. As for your comment about being ready to be called home....I am guessing there is more for you to do here, keep knocking doors, and talking to counselors.

Look back and see all of what you have overcome, and little by little you are doing it. Making it through doesn't mean it is obstacle-free....don't get discouraged and please know we are here rooting for you, remember..one foot in front of the other.

Big big bigggg hug for you :)

- L

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hi Shelley,

I'm so sorry things are so so hard for you..........I feel things are getting worse for me the last couple of weeks. I can't even begin to imagine 5 years down the road.

I wish your siblings would just make the decision, it's so unfair on you.

Like Daughter2010 says, the job market is so hard for so many people, I really hope something will turn up for you. I guess sometimes it all feels like a snowball that's just growing and growing.

I can relate to your wishing God would let you go home, sometimes i just feel I don't belong here anymore and I am so very ready to just go be with my Dad.

I hope the pyschiatrist will be able to help, at least if they tell you it's depression of its ADD or ADHD then they can start to work on giving you something to help with it.

((((hugs)))) shelley,

Niamh

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Shelley, dear ~ You said, "I have to see a psychiatrist and I think this could be some of the problem..." I agree with you. I think your anxiety about seeing a psychiatrist is what is causing you the most distress right now. As I've told you elsewhere, I think your concerns about that are understandable, but bear in mind that you

probably felt the same way before you met with your therapists for the first time. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who is also trained and experienced in offering emotional support ~ like a doctor with all the additional skills of a therapist. Your first session will be about his simply getting to know you as a person ~ and you'll get a sense of the doctor as well.

I want to repeat to you what I've suggested to you before, Shelley:

My best advice to you is this: Be yourself. Be as open and as honest as you can in whatever parts of your story that you choose to share. Follow the doctor's lead, and just tell your story. I can assure you that your psychiatrist will understand (and probably expect) that you'll be nervous and uncertain in this first meeting ~ but it is his job to help you to relax and to feel safe and at ease. Trust the process, Shelley. You've already been through the worst things that could happen to anyone, and you have survived. You will get through this next challenge, too ~ and you'll be very, very glad that you did.

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  • 2 months later...

Hi Marty,

I have decided to cancel the session with the psychiatrist and have done so, my doctor who referred me to him does not know yet... I just feel so overwhelmed right now and I have talked it over with both therapists that I do have... I agrees that maybe putting it off is a good idea since I am not feeling comfortable with talking with men yet and the other feels I made a mistake when I cancelled it and I should have gone through with the session..

Now that I have cancelled it I feel a little better, but now it is Thanksgiving Day weekend and I am all alone with no friends or family... I am a little more down than I thought I might be... I have no real friends and my family decided to not wait for me till I got off work and left for the cottage... Shelley

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  • 1 month later...

Hi All, I am just checking in... It has been really difficult for me right now, I have had so much on my plate and have been really ill too... I am so heart broken especially at this time of year... I went to see my dog finally and found out my brother is ill with problems in his throat, my other brother is not coping at all with the deaths of my parents and my other brother is very depressed and is going through a tough divorce... My sister is doing okay but is so disrespectful toward me that now I just feel tons of stress on me... I am trying to keep the family together but the harder I try the worst it gets... I have had troubles myself with suicidal thought again and have been seeing my therapist more because of the fear that I might actually go through with it... I just get so overwhelmed about how the family is doing and I know my mom would be so heart broken to see what is going on... Shelley

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Shelley,

I am so sorry things are so hard for you at the moment. The time of year definitely does not help any of this. I find it impossible to look at the shops, look at the lights, hear the music, I avoid it all as much as possible, I need to for my own sanity.

I'm so sorry about the stress with your family. I can relate a little when you talk trying to keep the family together. Since we lost my Aunt 4 years ago, I find our little family (one half of it) has drifted apart and now since my Dad that gap has become so much bigger now, we are not the family we once were.What's different for me is that this is not immediately family as I have no siblings.

For me personally I have not focused on this because I am simply trying to survive this nightmare day by day, I have enough to deal with in relation to myself & my life so for now I just don't think of the family drifting apart. To a certain extent I feel my Dad was a lot of the glue that kept it together since losing my Aunt but now without him, there's no glue, barely even sticky tape.

Can you try to just focus on yourself at the moment without worrying too much about them ? I don't even know if that is possible (not having siblings, I just don't really know), maybe that's why it's easier for me not to worry because it is cousins rather than siblings for me.

In the meantime we are always here for you Shelley. I know thanksgiving is this week and every one is in my thoughts. I know the sadness I feel with C'mas approaching and I know how big TG is and my heart just goes out to you.

I am glad you got to see your dog. Sending you hugs and love Shelley

Niamh

xx

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi All, Just thought I would check in again and let you know I am still here and I am still breathing... I am finding really hard to deal with the fact that Christmas is coming so very fast.. Christmas was my mom's favorite part of the year and so seeing everything and all the families together except for mine I feel so alone and orphaned this part of the year... I also lost my favorite grandmother on Christmas day too so again I am really not looking forward to this Christmas... I am so tired of putting on a fake happy face and trying to be happy so people who do not understand won't ask... Shelley

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I am glad you're still here Shelley. I'm sorry for the hard time you are having with holidays coming fast and I wish there was a way to fix it all. I'm sorry you also have added to it the loss of your fav Grandma on Christmas Day, I can't even imagine.

I hear you loud and clear with being tired of putting on a fake happy face, although mine hasn't been happy one, I have got better at putting on a face but I'm tired of it too and right now I want to tell the world to stop, remember my Dad, remember my pain that you no longer see that much on the outside now but is still very raw inside.

hugs and love to you Shelley,

Niamh

xx

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  • 1 month later...

Hi All, I am finding that I am getting sick more and more now a days but I think it is because I have such a secret inside of me and once this weekend is over maybe I will be less stressed out and get myself healthier... I so want to not feel so sick anymore... Shelley

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Dear Shelley,

For sure, I understand and I am sorry. I wish your Mom could be there in body and spirit with you too. I am sure she is watching you grow and is beaming with pride in her daughter right now. I know it is so hard, but I have seen a shift in you Shelley and you are ready and you can do it and your Mom resides your heart forever, she will be there in spirit Shelley. Can you take something of hers with you, to help you feel her near you? A ring, a necklace, for suggestion.

Holding you close in gentle thought and prayer.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Hi Carol ann, I am going to go to this session with my head up and with my mom in my heart.. I have a heart pin that I gave her on her last mother's day.. I will wear it proud and I will know she will be happy for what I am doing... Shelley

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