I Lost The Love Of My Life

[jennifer1969]

Hi my name is Jennifer Friedel. I am 40 yrs old. I just lost my husband and best friend Mark, he was 43 yrs old. He fell down our basement steps and got severe brain trauma. He passed away on June 27, 2010. See he was on life support. But everything was shuting down. So I had them take him off of it. Because he didn't want that. I have never seen that before. And now that is the picture in my mind. Every time I fall a sleep I have nightmares about it. All I want is to remember him the way he was. The nice loving husband. I don't understand why he left me. Why he didn't fight harder. We were together for 10 short years and married since October 5, 2004. I just don't know what to do now.

I am having a really bad day today. I stayed in my room from about 2 today. I cryed all day I have chest pains. Today would be the day that we would have sat down and planed were we would go on vacation for my birthday. Now I don't want my birthday to come. My brother ask me what I wanted for my birthday today and all I keep asking for is Mark to come home to me. I am hurting so bad. I just can't bring myself to get out of my room. I don't want to be around any one. I just want to be by myself.

I don't know how to handle the grief. I don't want to do or go any where. I can't sleep, all I do is cry, I have anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and depression. I feel lost and hopeless. He was the love of my life. I miss him so much. I keep hopeing that this is just a really bad dream, that when I wake up he will be there with me. My life will never be the same.

[kayc]

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry you lost your husband, and love of your life. That is just too young, I can understand you must feel gypped , I did and my husband had just turned 51...I'd thought we'd have at least another 20 years together before having to face something like that.

There are a lot of people on this site going through the same thing, both young and old. You might want to ask Marty, the administrator, to move this to "Loss of Spouse" section where it'll get a lot more traffic. This section is often used for divorce and other love losses, whereas loss of partner is more specifically to death and there'll be a lot more people to respond to it.

Have you seen a doctor about your anxiety issues? My doctor put me on Buspirone (Buspar) and I love it, it's non-addictive and doesn't seem to have side effects, but it's helped me cope. Also, a grief counselor might be of some help. There are grief support groups that could be beneficial. Remember to take care of yourself, even when you don't see the point, go for walks, eat healthy, it all helps your focus. Be easy on yourself and don't expect too much of yourself. Surround yourself with positive comforting people, not anyone who tells you stupid or negative things. Try not to look at the rest of your life looming before you, but do your best to stay in the present, one day at a time...or a minute, or whatever you think you can handle. Everyone's way of dealing with grief is different so remember, there is no right or wrong way, just different ways.

My hugs and prayers to you, please keep coming back and make sure you read the "Loss of spouse/partner" section, you'll find a lot of others going through the same thing.

Kay

[jennifer1969]

I do use "Loss of Spouse" section to. I am on xanax and Effexor for my anxiety and depression, but it just does seem to work any more. I have been locked in my bedroom for 3 days now. I don't eat and all I do is cry. I'm mad, sad, and pissed off at the world. Mark was a great husband and step father. I miss him so much and I just don't know why he left me. I also don't understand why he didn't fight harder to live. It's not fair that he is gone and I am left here all alone.