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Had the memorial service for my husband on Saturday and it was a very long and emotional day. Sat down in the evening and read all the thoughts and prayers extended on this site and it was very heartwarming and I thank everyone. Your comments let me know I am not on this journey alone and I am thankful for this outlet. But Sunday was an angry day for me as I sit here and realize that I was planning on retiring in 18 months to spend all my time with the man that I love. We have just purchased the home of our dreams and put a porch on it with a swing for us to grow old in but I will be there alone. But will I really be alone I have my memories and I smile but these things right now are not helping with the hurt I just miss him terribly. He had 2 dogs that were with him constantly and they as well are in a state of mourning they just sit at his bed or his wheelchair and cry which is no help to me. But we all have to greive

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My heart breaks as I read about your mourning dogs. I am so sorry. Try to spend as much time and attention on them as you can and remember you are in this together.

My husband and I bought a porch swing to grow old together in...that was our vision...it's hard to sit there all alone and not have his hand to hold. But you are so right, you aren't entirely alone, they are still there with us, they live in our hearts. It took me some time but I was finally able to think of him without crying and be able to find comfort in the mere thought of him. If I go to a job interview, I carry him with me and remember his faith and encouragement. If I go through heartbreak, I think of him and the comfort he brings. If I am afraid, I feel him cheering me on from the sidelines. And when I tackle something new, I feel his pride in me and know he is smiling. He is always there.

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