Waiting For "the Kick"

[lizz]

My partner and husband for 30 years died suddenly of a heart attack on July 21. I was at the gym teaching my yoga class unaware that he was in an ambulance headed for the ER. The first few weeks were surreal. I felt detached from myself and the world around me. This week as the calls diminish and the friends and family return to their own lives the pain is setting in. I picked up his death certificates yesterday and it hurt so bad I thought I too would surely have a heart attack. My mind keeps going back to the weekend before his death. We went to see the new movie with Leo Dicaprio called "Inception". It was a bizzare movie about dreaming. I'm now in something worse than than the scariest bad dream and I'm falling and falling. I'm waiting for the "the kick" that will snap me out of it and wake me up. Wake up feeling normal and my main squeeze coming home to dinner at the end of the day...

[closs86]

Hi Lizz,

I am so very sorry for you loss, it is so shocking, so fast, I lost my husband april 6, not as sudden as you did, but in 3 weeks from diagnosis to gone. You will probably be in a fog for a while, which is not a bad thing it protects you, I was like that for a while, life is so sad, all i said and still do sometimes is why???, there is no answer and no one can give me one. When you love someone and are with them a long time, we never ever think about it but eventually one is going to go first, I wished it was me, but we don't have a say in the matter, This is a hard journey the only thing I can say is try to keep busy, don't stay by yourself for long periods of time, and there will be a lot of up and down emotions, that is part of the grief, and come here anytime, you want to vent or talk about something, this place is really helpful.

god bless

Hugs Karen

[lizz]

Thanks Karen, I was reluctant to join a forum as I am somewhat of a private person. But since I have suffered from depression in the past I know that if ever there was a time I needed to reach out to others it is now. I've also decided to join a support group. This is so hard.

[Sharon3]

Hi Lizz...I also lost my husband suddenly from a heart attack while he was sleeping next to me. We were on vacation in Mexico. I know the feeling of this is all a dream. There is not time to face reality. I remember going out months after and driving up to our house and his truck was not there and wondered where he was. When I instantly remembered I would be shaking with emotion. I get it...these are the worst days of your life and while I am still sad and go through weeks on end of complete saddness and maybe even depression and cry all day, I come out of it and try to live a life without him even though I don't know how. I know how you feel, and I can tell you that this site brought me comfort in a way that others couldn't because my feelings were validated here and I didn't feel like I was going crazy. I also had one on one counselling and would probably still be going except my counsellor quit working and i did not feel like starting over with a new one. My advise to you is get counselling, come often to this site, if only to read, eat well, push yourself to interact with others, and live for the day. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Cheryl]

Hi Liz,

My husband died suddenly also. It will be a year next week. The most painful year of my life. I am still often shocked with the reality that he is gone.I found that a support group has helped me understand that I am not going crazy.I have gotten to a point where I am tired and worn out. I'm ready for someone to flip the switch and tell me the time to greive is now over. I wish it were that simple. I have never been faced with any type of real hardship. Everyones problems seem so minor and stupid. I have relived the last week of our life over and over in my mind. Grateful for the love we shared but devestated that we did not know it was about to come to an end. I hope you find some peace and I hope this site helps you like it has me. Take care and know there are many of us who feel so similar.

Cheryl