Working Through The Grief

[Jennalee]

Has anyone had any luck with any books or workbooks on grief? I've purchased about 7 books on grief so far and so far the one I've found the most helpful talks about really feeling the pain in order to get over it faster. They encourage journaling and some of the exercises seem almost too painful, answering questions like, "What do you miss most about your spouse," "What did you not like about your spouse" and "What do you wish your spouse knew before they died?" Really hard questions to write about but I suspect somewhat healing in the long run. So far the only thing I've been able to do is write a letter to Ajay about how much this sucks and how much I miss him. I've also started talking out loud to him in the car. Other drivers think I'm crazy but it helps to get it out of my system. I'd love to hear what's helped each of you in your journey towards recovery.

[kayc]

I have a "Letters to George" file on my computer. I write the date and my thoughts. It's kind of like journaling, but they are actually directed to HIM. I also used art to depict my grief...I illustrated what I was feeling, and another one to depict what I WANTED to feel (kind of a goal). I made a collage of George's life before me (childhood, family, etc.), and his life with me. I walk every day, and that helps relieve stress and collect my thoughts. I also commute a long drive and that gives me time to mull things over. I listened to his music and wondered what it was about that song that he particularly liked. He will always be a part of my household, for he lives here with me. They are right about having to go through the pain, because we cannot circumvent it and still deal with our grief.

I once had a neighbor that was married, and her and her husband loved each other deeply. One day he died and she didn't deal with it...two weeks later she moved in with another man without ever having done her grieving. She left her home and belongings untouched and there they sat for years. One day the new man died and now she was faced with TWO deaths to grieve. She had to sort through the house and belongings and put her house up for sale. She ended up selling both places and starting fresh. But what she did with the grief was push it back...and drink. Not the healthiest route IMHO. She really, in the end, spared herself nothing, it just put it off. You see, we can't avoid it, it's still there, waiting for us to deal with it.

[Cheryl]

I have read a ton of grief books. This one is my bible. A Time To Grieve", By Carol Staudacher. I carry it with me in the car and it gets me through the rough times. It validates everything I feel. It was compiled with the help from grievers all around the world. You can flip to any page and feel a kinship.

The worst book I read said to set aside twenty minutes a day to cry. All I could think of was 20 minutes!!! I must be really screwed up! I'm lucky if get twenty minutes of relief a day from crying!

Hope you're doing better! Cheryl

Edited August 31, 2010 by MartyT
Links inserted

[Jennalee]

Cheryl, I am ordering that book!!! I read all the grieving books I can get ahold of. I just ordered a grieving book and workbook for those who lost a spouse suddenly. It's called, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye." I don't know how it is yet but I'll let y'all know once it arrives. Kind of stupid how even the title makes me break down in tears. I miss him and I want him back right now!!!

[Korina]

The book that helped both myself and my mother-in-law was "Healing After Loss - Daily Meditations on Working Through Grief" by Martha Whitmore Hickman. I think it really validated all the emotions and thoughts going on. Also, I have written many a letter to Scott.

Korina