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I Miss My Grandmother

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My grandmother basically raised me, and I was at her house for hours every day from the time I was 8 until I was 14. My mother and I are not close, and I've always considered my grandmother to be my "real" mother. She's been sick since 2004, with multiple hospitalizations, broken bones, and illnesses. I lived about 5 hours away for this time, but visited as often as I could and called almost every day.

This spring, as she got worse, I spent as much time with her as possible. She and I frequently told each other how much we loved each other, and she gave me many things that she wanted me to have after her death. We knew that she didn't have forever, and we both knew that things were going to be very hard on me once she was gone. We did everything we could to prepare.

When she passed away in early April, I was pretty numb. I felt that most of the family who was at the funeral hadn't treated her (or me) well in life. I survived the funeral and the weeks immediately following by being angry at all of the people who had treated either of us badly, especially my mother, who was awful to us both, and my sister, who basically ignored us. I was even angry at my mother-in-law, who asked me to do her a favor which resulted in me not being present when my grandmother passed. Now, though, I don't have that to get me through.

My support system consists almost entirely of my husband. My family and I are not close, and we just moved so I don't have any friends nearby. My husband tries, but he doesn't know what to say or do when I'm sad. We've thought about counseling, but our budget is really, really tight, and I haven't found anyone that we can afford yet.

I miss her every day. She was the only person I loved and trusted, and the only person who loved and supported me, throughout my entire childhood. She was my touch-stone, and I'm not sure what to do now that she's gone.

(Also, hello, and I hope that this sort of thing is what's supposed to be posted here.)

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Sounds like you had a wonderful grandmother. I know how precious grandchildren our as I have 14. I love them all so much and am so very sorry you lost your grandmother and have no family support but your husband. It is great that he is supportive, but sometimes men aren't as into understanding grief. And yes this is what type of stuff is to posted on here. Any thing you want or need to share, vent,cry, or just talk about.

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What a beautiful tribute to your grandmother!

About lack of support from siblings and other family, I can identify with that strongly. There may be another good option for support, by the way, if you can not afford the fees charged by mental health professionals. Marty, our resident grief counselor, has mentioned on several occasions that county mental health organizations often provide free grief support groups for the bereaved. If you and your husband could attend these group sessions together, perhaps he would become more sensitized to the issues of grief and support for the bereaved. It's just a suggestion; I'm not sure it would work.

And about men being generally less sensitive about grief, well I am not sure about that at all :).

Your post fits these forums perfectly. I am glad you found us.

Ron B.

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I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how special a relationship with a grandmother can be. I have three daughters and all of them are so very close to my mother and were very close to my father as well. It is so hard to lose someone who means so much to us. Do you have any children? I have three daughters and they and my mom and one of the four sisters are my life along wit

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Marion Claire - It's the differences in gender that help make life so very interesting and sometimes so troublesome. No apology is necessary for bringing up gender differences; it's a topic worth exploring. Best to have fun with it, when we can. - Ron B.

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