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Just Missing Him


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My Daddy passed away just over a year ago. I miss him so much. I wear his thumbprint on a necklace and I cannot bear the thought of taking it off. I try to be strong for my Mom and the rest of my family, but it gets hard being the one who is strong all the time. I wish I could talk about him more with my family, but even a year later everyone gets so upset and starts crying; includung me! I don't want to make anyone upset so i just tend to keep it inside. I have gone inside myself somewhat since he has been gone. I do have someone who has been there to lsiten to me, but he didn't really know my Daddy so he cannot share in any "Daddy stories". My sister has gone off the deep end and now it feels like I have lost her as well. My dad was the kind of person you could talk to about anything. He had this great big belly laugh and the biggest smile when he saw his grandbabies walk in a room. He gave the best hugs. You could always feel how much he loved you in his hugs. He might not have been able to say how he felt all the time, but he always let you knwo when he hugged you. He would do anything for anyone; he had a huge heart. He taught me so much. I can still hear his words of advice when I am having to make a decision of some sort; even if it is what to cook for dinner! I see him everywhere I go and in everything I do. I can only hope one day I am half the parent he was to me. My daughter's 11th birthday is coming up in a few weeks and it is hard trying to plan something knowing he won't be here to grill her steak for it. She always loved her "Grumpy's" steaks. When I feel the warm sun on my face it almost feels like it is him warming me up with his love. He was the most important man in my life next to my son and I will never get used to him being gone. I have heard some people say it will get easier with time, but I don't think that is true. I think you just learn to live with the constant ache and pain. Well I guess I just needed to talk about my Daddy a little so thanks for letting me.

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hi missingmy daddy,

I am so sorry about the loss of your dearest Daddy.Welcome to this site, so many of us Daddy's girls on here.

I lost my Daddy suddenly last Christmas, 9 months tomorrow and while it feels like a lifetime, it also feels like it only just happened.

I have his wedding ring, my Mom removed it when we waked him in our home and gave it to me, it was a moment I will never forget. I wear it on my thumb and it fits perfectly, I have not removed it since that day.

I'm so sorry you want to take more about it but everyone gets so upset. I don't feel I can talk about mine yet, I do write a lot about the little things I miss but I can't verbalise any of it without the heart wrenching tears. I have no siblings and I often think if they day comes and I can talk about the Daddy stories as you so sweetly call them, who will I talk to.........my Mom is all I have and I hope she will still be here with me if that day comes but there is nobody else who can remember the memories as his child, yet I wouldn't change that for the world either.

Your Daddy sounds SUPER to say the least and your words remind me of my Dad too. Dads are just the greatest in the world and its so cruel that some of us no longer have them physically with us. I don't know anyone who has the closeness I had with my Dad, it was something my friends often commented on, some wishing they had that closeness with theirs. Since I've come on this site I've realised while my Dad to me was the absolute BEST DAD in the entire world, I've realised there are so many other Daddys girls out there who can relate to that special close bond and their Dads were the absolute best in the world.

I couldn't agree with you more regarding it getting easier, we just live with the pain because we have no choice.

I do hope you share your Daddy stories with us here if and when you ever feel up to it. So often I see things written by others and I think "that's my Dad you are talking about" :)

hugs and love to you from another missing her Daddy,

Niamh

xox

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Niamh,

Thank you so much for replying! I am so sorry for your loss. It does help to know there are others out there who are going through the same thing. My Daddy was absolutely SUPER! If your Daddy was anything like mine then I am sure you know just how SUPER he was and what a loss it has been. I never thought it would be this hard to go through this. For the first 16 years of my life I never thought I'd ahve a Daddy to miss like this. You see my Daddy was even more special to me because he took me into his home when no one else wanted me. He was not my biological father and he never "legally" adopted me because I was 16 at the time; although there was some papers drawn up on with pink crayon that we always said were the "adoption papers"! That man and his wife; who is now my Mom and best friend; took me into their home and showed me what a family was supposed to be. They taught me so many things that have shaped who I am today. I will never know what I did right in my life to deserve everything he gave me; I just try to live each day now doing the things that I know would make him proud and to honor him. I will always remeber the smile on his face as he held his first grandchild for the first time. Everytime I think of him or talk about him the tears still come. I could have probably filled up an ocean by now. I love hearing my children talk about hi and what they remember most; but I have to force myself not to cry in front of them so they don't get upset. I do know what you mean about people not understanding the closeness you shared with your Daddy; people most often didn't understand my relationship with mine either. His family never knew about me because they lived out of state and would not understand. I never cared though. I knew how he felt about me and how I felt about him and to us it never mattered that he wasn't my biological father or he never "legally" adopted me; he was my Daddy and that is all that mattered. No man had ever done for me what he did. He taught a scared, confused,lonely and hurt little girl to open up her mind and heart and learn to trust again. He always kept his word and never let me down. I only had my Daddy for a short time compared to most people; 13 short years; but how I cherish that time. I would give anything to see his face one more time and to feel his arms hugging me tight or just to hear him say "Hey Kiddo. I love you!" once more. I know he is always with me and I will see him again one day; I have to believe that in order to get thorugh each minute. Well thanks again for letting me ramble on.

Hugs and love to you from one Daddy's girl to another,

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Dear Missing,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Daddy ~ clearly he was a very special man, and your post touches my heart: I just try to live each day now doing the things that I know would make him proud and to honor him. I think the greatest way a daughter can pay tribute to her father is to go on to live a good life in his honor, and it sounds as if you are doing just that. Your dad must be very proud of you

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Marty - Thank you so much for your words of comfort. I like to think I am still making my Daddy proud and it was very touching hearing someone else say they think I am too. He meant more to me than any words could ever say. I just try to do the things I know he would want me to do and live my life the way he taught me to; with an open heart and an open mind. I am so honored to have known him and to have had him in my life. I believe a girl's first love is her Daddy and for me that couldn't be more true. He showed me what it was like to really love someone with all of their heart and I am just trying to teach those things to my children now. I know he is guiding me from above; but it doesn't change the fact that I would rather have him walking beside me again. He is always on my mind and forever in my heart. Thanks again.

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thank you too missingmy daddy,

wow, what a special story you have. Your Daddy sounds so so wonderful, that's such an understatement. I cannot understand why the great special ones are taken from us so soon, so early.

My Dad had no grandchildren, it was something I looked forward to and hoped for one day. He loved children so much and they loved him too, he was just a big kid at heart really. I don't have that dream anymore like so many other dreams that have gone with him.

I'm glad your Daddy has given you so much in life and I just wish you had so much longer than 13 years with him. My Dad used to call me kiddo aswell once in a while :). I am a grown adult but I miss the security of my Dad so much, just knowing he was always there, the world felt safe, anything could happen but as long as Dad was around, it didn't matter, things were always good.

I always dreaded the day he would be taken from me, I feared it so much more in the last 2 years. I still have days 9 months later where I feel shell shocked that this has really happened. There was so much more left for us to do together. Now my Mom is my life and keeps me going. I hate that I never got the chance to "give back" to him, it was something I always wanted to do for both of them. His was so kind, so so selfless, like your Daddy mine taught me so much. I am forever proud of the man that is my Dad. I try now to do the things he did for my Mom, the things he did for me, I do for my Mom now with all my heart and soul. She sometimes tells me she doesn't expect it and sometimes feels bad or guilty but I just explain that I want to do these things and like my Dad always said to us both "as long as I can do them, I will".

hugs and love to you hun,

Niamh

xx

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Thank you! My Daddy was absolutely wonderful. Thank you for allowing me to share my special story here. I know what you mean about being shell shocked. It has been almost 14 months for me and I still feel shell shocked. Something will happen and I think to my self "I can't wait to tell Daddy about this" then I have to stop and catch my breath because reality will hit that he isn't here for me to tell anymore. It is a devastating blow each and every time it happens. I know he was in a lot of pain right before he died and I am glad he isn't in pain anymore; I just wish the rest of us didn't have to go through the pain we are now going through. I try and do things for my Mom now also. She isn't able to do a lot of hard physical stuff like mow the lawn so my boyfriend and I will go over and mow it for her. Just little things like that now that he is gone and can't do them. She is my best friend and I love her, but sometimes it is hard to be around her when she is having a bad day because I want so much to take the pain away, but I can't. The only thing that could would be my Daddy. I think all of us are finding a routine to fall into where we do many things on autopilot so we don't have to think too much or feel too much. With the holidays coming up it is getting harder. It will be our second without him, but I wonder if it will ever get easier. I too am a grown woman who feels like a little child now that her Daddy is gone. I always knew no matter what happened he would be there for me and help me pick everything up and always catch me if I fell and now he is gone. Part of me left the Earth with him that night.

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