Painful Rejection, At The The Worst Time Of My Life

[charles k]

I am at the lowest point I have ever been. Last year I got a call from my girlfriend that she was pregnant. Up until that point we have been on good terms, but during her pregnancy she made me feel very underappreciated and unwanted. I would go out and meet other women, nothing would come of these relationships and they would quickly fizzle out. Well one night I meet this girl who I really connected with. We had deep meaningful conversations and began to hang out regularly. When I revealed to her that I had another girl pregnant she assured me that she would still be there and we could make things work. As a result I broke up with my pregnant GF and left her for this new girl. My old girlfriend was hurt by my betrayal, and begged me to take her back, but I didn't because I found someone “better.”

Me and my new girl, really hit it off. We do everything together, and for the first time in my life, I was completely monogamous. I didn’t wish to be with any other girl and quite hanging around my cheating friends so I could remove all temptation to be unfaithful.

These last couple of months has been very hard on me personally. I grew up not rich, but my family is well off. Everyone is doing well, except for me. I graduated college last year and have had trouble finding jobs and maintaining an income and have had to do a series of temp jobs just to have a little bit of cash. I took the CFA (Charted Financial Analyst) exam and studied my butt of for it, but failed. This lowered my self esteem because I worked so hard for it, and to fail by the slimiest margin hurt especially since I had to save money for the test. I have quit going to parties and social events because it is embarrassing when people talk about all the good things going for them career wise, and when the conversation come around to me, I don't have anything to say. The last party I went to I overheard one of the guys call me a bum. That hurt me more than you can imagine and has put a real dent in my self confidence. I applied to law school only to receive rejection letters in the mail. I have little money and can't support my son. My mom buys just about everything for him, and while I'm very grateful that she is there, it embarrasses me that I cannot take care of my own child.

The one constant positive of my life has been my relationship with my new GF. She is so wonderful to me and this last month’s she's been doing nice little things to make me happy. The other day she revealed to me that she has been cheating on me with several different people and that I don't satisfy her, and that she is growing bored with me. I was devastated. I have cheated in the past, but now that I'm on the other side it hurts like hell. I can’t tell you how much that hurt. This is on top of the fact that I can't find a job, can't take care of my son, she doesn't love me, and law school doesn't want me!! All these problems, have really affected my self confidence and self esteem. I have noticed that I am becoming more introverted, and I don’t feel like own self.

That relationship meant the world to me and she was the one thing that I didn’t want to lose. This is the girl that I thought I would marry and build a family with. She’s been the one steady thing I have and now that’s gone. I don’t remember the last time I cried, but this week the tears have been flowing like a river. I have been having chest pains and cannot sleep and have no appetite. I just want the pain to go away. Since I reject my friend’s offers to go to social events, they have stopped calling me and we have grown distant. I have no one I feel comfortable talking to about my problems and am feeling as low as ever. She was my world and I loved her with everything I had and she stabbed me in the back. I tried to go back to my old GF, but she no longer wants me. I am in a real rut and am surrounded by people and have a loving family, but am as lonely as ever. This pain of losing her is more than I can bear. I’m on here for support, because I’m by myself,and can’t afford professional help. I don’t know what else to do.

[kayc]

First let me say I am sorry you are going through so much at once. I want to say some things to you that may be hard but I really hope you'll listen because they are words of wisdom that could really aid you in your future.

When you cheat on others, you are not true to yourself. You are not all you can be. The way to build healthy self-esteem is not through a test or how much money you make, but by having good character. Please work on that character. When you hang out with others that have bad character, it's not helping yourself. It doesn't matter how much money they make or what their title is or what they own...what matters is what kind of person they are. Pick better. When you choose a girlfriend, make sure NEITHER of you is cheating on someone else because if either of you is, that makes your relationship doomed from the beginning. In other words, a cheater does not make a good partner to base your life on/with. If your girlfriend tolerated your cheating on your pregnant girlfriend to be with her, of course she wouldn't think anything of cheating on you. Do you understand? Count it a lesson and try to move on. You have to accept that your girlfriend is not meant to be in your life. I would start with some personal counseling to help you get going in the right direction. You still have the rest of your life ahead of you...make the most of it. You can always save up and take the test again, in fact, I'd recommend it. Read stories about people who have not been swayed by obstacles, who didn't quit in the face of defeat or adversity. Let them be your mentors and examples! Now you have an obligation to your pregnant ex-girlfriend and your unborn child. Make sure you fill that obligation by paying child support and helping in their lives. You will need to commit to that child by being there for them not just for 18 years, but forever. That child should come before any future girlfriend or anyone in your life, do you understand that? It takes commitment and responsibility to fulfill that obligation and is the sign of maturity to do so. Do not concern yourself with what others say/think/do so much as what you know to be true about yourself. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. Take steps to correct the errors in yourself that you're not liking. Get help from a counselor in self-assessment and setting goals for yourself that you can meet. As you begin to work on yourself and build your character, your self-esteem will automatically change. As much as this hurts right now, it is good that it happened, it NEEDED to happen, it helped you to understand what it felt like when you hurt someone else. People who do not have the ability to empathize are sorely lacking, it's like they have a handicap, never knowing their affect upon others, making it difficult for them to develop within themselves. This is why we can learn to be thankful even in hard places...they cause us to grow. If you can take these gems of life and grasp them, then you will know the beginning of wisdom and you will be all the richer for it. I hope and pray you have a much richer future ahead of you for the lessons of today.

P.S. There are counselors that charge according to a sliding scale, also some pastors are trained to counsel. Start with ANY job (McDonalds will do), it's easier to find a job when you have a job, don't be too particular, take anything you can get, you can always keep applying for other jobs. If law school won't take you, find something else, go in and talk to a guidance counselor. If you had a low income last year, you should qualify for a grant to attend school. Think of solutions rather than obstacles, you'll be amazed what you can do. Every negative in your life, try to think of a positive to counter it with.

[Daughter2010]

I second that!!!! Life is better lived when every obstacle is an opportunity for us to grow and be better people. I think if we only took the time to think about every little or big thing that happens to us and reflect on our character, we would be so much better. Life is a learning process, and adversity should rather be viewed as something to overcome rather than to drown in.