Walking Backwards

[melina]

Thanks for all the comments and support on my guilt post. I think I may be having a new round of acute grief. I was doing so well last week - really felt I was making progress. Now the last couple of days it's as though I'm back to the first week after his death. I think about him every single minute of the day, feel almost desperate with longing and sadness, cry all the time, and don't see how this is going to get better. It's like that game - chutes and ladders - just when I think I've climbed up, I get sent down to the bottom again. It's sheer torture.

Melina

[Lindakay]

Grief is natural but don't allow it to become depression. Reassuring yourself that you will cycle out and step outside yourself to view your behavior helps. My husband suffered depression. He called it being in the well. I was the light that lifted him out. Your friends, family and co grievers can help you see that this is a cycle we all go through. It will get lighter. My mom had no time for self pity that we find ourselves in. She told me to tell my husband that she missed her dad too but if you spend all your time in grief/you never live. Looking back at what you lost is ok if you don't linger too long. Reality is that you're meant to go on for what ever purpose is before us. Secretly celebrate that you at least had those good times and a loved one that loved you. So many never had that, at least we did. Linda Kay

[kayc]

Melina,

This is to be expected and it doesn't mean it's not getting better, it's three steps forward, two steps backward, when it's going backwards you feel like you aren't getting anywhere, but overall, you are. Just expect there will be ups and downs, good days and bad days and inbetween days. It will eventually be less intense and easier to cope with. Remember to take care of yourself and do all you can to help yourself, it's very important...grief work is exhausting. Eat, get exercise, lots of water, plus do little ammenities, bubblebaths, stuff like that, anything you can for yourself...it's about learning to care about yourself and put yourself in number one spot for a change, you'll need to do that.

[Korina]

It is a very intense roller coaster of emotions (don't know how many times I have described it as a roller coaster), but unfortunately, that is the process. Take heart that the intensity will eventually abate, but it will take time. Be kind to yourself and just remember - baby steps.

Korina