Rough Week - Getting Through Yet Another Day

[melina]

I know many of you are going through your own rough days and rough weeks. I'm having one hell of a rough week (excuse my language), and it's only Tuesday. The weekends really bring me down, and when I wake up each morning, realizing I have to get through another day without my soulmate, it's a new trauma every day.

Maybe now - at 6 weeks - it's finally dawning on me that this is my new life. I don't like it one bit - and apart from my four sons - life seems pretty meaningless right now. I was in town today and feel like I only see happy families, happy couples, though I know I'm probably only noticing these particular people.

I know that everyone can experience loss and deep grief, no matter long they've been together with their loved one, but I've spent my entire adult life with one man, and it seems impossible to manage this without him. I don't know how to be alone. For 30 years he's been here with me - and suddenly, there is only silence.

If only I could get a sign or a dream, as everyone else has. I keep talking to him, asking him to give me something, anything. I'm praying for one. But so far - nothing.

I'm blabbering on here - just trying to get through one more day.

Melina

[rain]

Hi, Melina. Forgive me if I babble here as well. I'm new at this, but you could be writing for me.

I lost my husband on August 5th to a sudden, massive heart attack. I still can't believe he's gone. He was a dear and wonderful man. We were together for 27 years; over half my life. We had no children. We simply lived for, and adored, one another.

Now life has no meaning without him to share it, and every morning that I awaken and think, "this is to be my life now," brings only desolation and tears. It all seems so pointless. So joyless.

I mean only to say that I know what you're going through, and wish you well. Happily, the family you created together lives on, and you have your 4 sons to support and be supported by in return. There will be joy in the comfort you give to each other in the difficult days to come. Peace to you.

[melina]

My husband also died on August 5th, and for some reason it's so hard to name that date. I'm just sitting here crying tonight. I hope things get better for all of us.

Melina

[Lindakay]

Melina, When they pass to the light it takes alot of energy to actually communicate. Scott knew I got visitation dreams from others. I asked him if ever...come see me. The first was so weird. I was crying myself to sleep. I asked him to come see me. A few minutes later in that twighlight sleep I saw what looked like purple and blue fog form. It was a hand with fingers spread. I questioned..a hand. I thought I wanted to see his beautiful face that I loved. The next day I thought, when we went in public, he held my hand. At night when I couldn't sleep worrying about him, he held my hand, when he was driving and shifting, he held my hand. It's what I miss most. It was him telling me it was him. John Edwards said they send a sign that only you both would know to prove it's them. Don't give up. There's a relaxing self hypnotic state you can go to sleep on. It was mentioned in a non fiction book by a shrink. Many Lives, Many Masters. You have a dark room, put a mask on even, now instead of memories and clutter/concentrate on the patterns you see in your closed eyes. It could be textures, colors. I look for purple, neon blue and then white light. It can look like clouds of plasma in space. When the white comes, it makes you blink with the brightness. You are most supceptable(sp?) in this state. If no message you can always fall asleep easier. Do you know what you see when the light cracks open? Stars in space. At least that's what I see. I can't do it all the time. It's incredible and heals you a bit. A medium told me the enrgy you feel when they visit is their's reaching for your's. It wakes you up. Some of these postings I've read are visits. They call it a dream. I was married 33 years. So many years it was us/we and now it's "me". Sad state to be in. Linda Kay

[rain]

I'm so sorry, Melina. We both lost part of ourselves that day. I weep with you. Peace to us all.

[kayc]

I'm sorry you're all going through this, it is hard, I know. But think of it this way, on day one, you didn't know how you'd survive a day, a week, anything, yet here you are at six weeks...I know it's hard to see progress when you're in it, but it's happening, little by little, so slightly you don't notice it. (((hugs)))

[Korina]

Blabber away - if it is of any consolation, reading everyone's posts helps me get through the tough days.

When Scott died, all I could see were happy families, particularly fathers with their kids.

Korina