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Replacing Your Loved One.


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I've had several discussion on this subject recently which has led me to give the idea some serious thought.

My conclusion is that now at my age, (74) and after 4 years and 4 months of struggling and learning to become self sufficient and independent, I don't feel that I need or want another romantic relationship and all the baggage that goes with it at this point in my life. Perhaps if I were younger and more flexible in my thinking it would be another story. I do however find it interesting that every one of my male friends and relatives who have recently become widowers would love to find love again. In fact they are as actively seeking romance and companionship as I am actively avoiding even the hint of such a relationship.

My husband and I used to joke that we'd raised each other just the way we wanted and neither one of us could ever be that lucky with anyone else. Now that it's become a reality it's no longer a joke.

If it was possible I'd have my husband back in a heartbeat. But since that isn't going to happen--I'm completely content with my independence.

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hey Em,

I don't think it's weird at all, it's like there's such a huge hole and you want some part of it filled in a little bit.

I feel I just give up with my expectations of others though. I find I always compare it to my Dad and what he would do and it frustrates me to no end that there is nobody as reliable as my Dad, as thoughtful as he was. What gets me the most is that the selfless attitude of my Dad was not just for me and my Mom, he showed it to everyone who ever needed anything.

Now I just feel I can only rely on myself and my Mom 100%, I feel like I've lost trust in everyone else and that's hard.

hugs to you as always dear friend,



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Do you ever wish someone could come into your life and replace your loved one? Not in the way where the new person 100% replaces him or her in your heart, but just someone who can represent that type of relationship so you don't feel as bad? Weird thought, I know. :(

I guess we have felt part of a pair for so long, you feel empty. You also know you have so much to offer someone else. We're experienced at that. The trick is, let it be someone deserving of our sincerity. Too many prey on widows. You have a house...they think you have the other spouse's savings or insurance. I never put an obituary in for mine. He wanted no funeral and to be cremated. His mom had people casing her home on the morning of the announced funeral. There was 400 people come to his dad's. We had moved out of state anyways. So our friends and family were in Fla not NC. The funeral industry wouldn't leave us alone from having provided info at his dad's arrangements. How callus. They wouldn't take no for an answer. So starting over. You remember the anticipation of someone new from back when you dated. Knowing it won't be him or the same. You're older and so are "they'. I had six months I tried to think I would. My best friend had me sign up online. Many tried and I only wrote two. Never carried out meeting either one.I will try again but it's been a year since I gave up on the idea. So just be ready and never needy when you try. I wasn't either but something wasn't clicking on the two I spoke to.Also run a criminal background on whomever before meeting them. Doesn't cost so much. If they give you an address(I asked the first for his address to send a treat.) I sent an Easter basket with chocolate. He said he loved chocolate. I just wanted to run a criminal check. he checked out as real and his home had his eldest son listed as possibly living at the same address as he said(no wife). His ex wife and older kids were listed at another address that showed he used to live at that address. It's pretty good at checking. In speaking to him, he sounded to "hillbilly" in his accent and verbage. he was witty and funny enough and educated online but..so it didn't turn me on enough. Southern accents are ok. My husband had a Fla southern sound. This one was a Carolina and not flattering. He wanted to know if I hiked or whatever. When I said not really. He said When can I ever get you alone to "molest" you. and laughed. Verbage is everything. Molest is a word I associate with sex offenders for sure. Not intimate settings ever.Be careful Linda Kay

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  • 2 weeks later...

I would love to replace this pain with love. Someday I fully expect to be ready to open my heart to someone else. Right now I am too lost in grief to be able to love someone else the way they should be loved. Because I know how speacial real love is I am eager to do the grief work that will allow me to move past this loss and enjoy life with someone diffrent. No one can replace my Mark but I hope to replace this lonliness.

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