Hurting.

[<3 deeply]

Ok this is problem not a big deal compared to alot of stuff on here but I really need to get this out... ok so 4 days ago was my birthday the day before that my boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me. I'm know 15 but still it hurts so bad. The situation is extremely complicated and very hard to explain. His parents really don't like me and he said I wasn't trying in the relationship like trying to talk to his parents or anything. I didn't think his parents wanted to talk to me! Ugh. He has been there with me through it all and I've never felt anything like it before... he was my first love and now he's gone. He said it was just a break but I have no clue how we are ever going to work out again. 1 week before he dumped me he asked the most popular girl to homecoming. Yes he told me he did but after he had already asked and she said yes. He told me his dad made him ask because his dad likes her a million times more then me. Then she cancelled on him because she's one of my good friends. It was a red flag for me but I ignored it because well I love him. I know I'm 15 and alot of people don't believe love could actually happen for people my age but it was... I gave alot to him he held my heart and now there's like a hole in my chest and everytime I see him I just want him to talk to me or hug me but he doesn't... I don't know if I should try and move on or wait for the chance for him to come back. Wow I just don't know what to do right now... so could I get some advice from people who have gone through some similar situations? please

[kayc]

Honey, you're talking to the break-up expert! It doesn't matter if you're 15 or 70, break ups hurt. They're hard at best, and around your birthday has to just make it feel all the worse, I am so sorry you're going through this. Your friend agreed to go with him and then changed her mind because of your friendship? It'd be better if she'd turned him down but at least she thought better of it and canceled.

Now for the advice part. I would try to let him go and move on. I know, easier said than done, but eventually it does stop hurting and eventually the hole in the heart should close. It does take time. Try to give yourself a little break from guys before going out with someone else, to give yourself time to get over him first. It helps to stay busy, schedule fun stuff with your girlfriends...do you have a sister you could do things with? It might help to talk to your mom if you have a good relationship or an aunt you're close to. Just so they know what's going on with you (they'll have noticed you're not feeling like yourself).

It helps to understand that you are grieving not only him, but your relationship, your habits/patterns/way of life. You probably did certain things together and spent certain times together...now you don't know what to do with yourself at those times/places. You will have to create a new life for yourself apart from what you had with him. Maybe try varying things a bit, try hanging out at different places and make sure you spend plenty of time with other people. It may be hard to concentrate and focus for a while, it should get better.

Please accept a big hug from me, I know how it feels, my fiance broke up with me and it hurts like the dickens.

Take care of yourself,

Kay

[Lindakay]

Going to tell you something my husband told me a few months before he died. He was a great loving guy. He went to see a best friend up here in NC and came home really sad. He told me he'd known this friend since elementary school. He saw a 6th grade pix of them all. He had repressed this girl, Nancy that he dated??back then for 3 years. She was 15 and her parents divorced. They were moving her away with the mom to Sarasota from Tampa Fl. He and she were heartbroken. I mean really upset. His parents said How can a 15 year old know love? You'll get over it. They were sexually active(parents didn't know that). He changed his personality for 9 years. He was a bad boy towards girls. Love and leave them, don't fall in love. Didn't care about their feelings. Then he met me at 24. He was my Galahad. My knight in shining armor. He wrote me love poems, fidelity was our only rule. So I listened to how he felt seeing that old pix. I told him I'm glad that he was a good guy once before me. I knew the other life didn't seem like him. I wasn't jealous. I loved him. He wasn't talking about leaving me. He did wonder if she had stayed, where would he have been. The what ifs.. I told him all

nexus points go a different path. He looked at me and said the one he took led him to me. He was glad it did.

So yes, this can be a life changing time at your age. Don't be a "bad girl" like he became a bad boy for years.

That's not productive. Does it hurt? Yeah, can you file this away to an experience in your life? Yeah. Glad your girlfriend didn't go with him. That's a big no no among friends. Good Luck and you will make it through. LindaKay