When Will The Grieving Ever End?!

[charliebug]

Hello,

I am new here and this is my story...

One week before my high school graduation(1970) my 28 yr.old brother suddenly and unexpectedly died. He left behind a wife and four children, the youngest 2 weeks old. Our family was devestated. He was the oldest of three of us. I was many many, years before I could think if him without sobbing. Ten years ago after a long illness, my Father died. I was with him in the hospital and held him while he took his last breath. It was a really beautiful experience. His passing, although very sad, did not effect me as deeply. Mt Mother had spent her whole life taking care of my Dad no that he'd been ill-but she spoiled him to no end. His death devestated her. She no longer had a reason for living. She didn't have Daddy to take care of anymore. We moved her to a place closer to us so I'd be able to take care of her if needed and visit more often. Her health slowly began to fail. In May I was laid off my job and the 1st of January I had to move her in with us because she was no longer able to take care of herself. Two weeks later, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given 3-6 mos. to live. I tried to take care of her on my own but it got to be too much. In May I call Hospice....smart move! June 20th she passed away here with my brother and I at her bedside. She'd been in a coma for about a week before she passed. That was HORRIBLE! She said some very sad and scary things. It was VERY traumatic for me to hear it.

Without going into everything, she and the rest of our immediate family had talked about her death and she had even planned and paid for her funeral.

Ithought I'd really death with my grief before she actually passed away...WRONG! Now I feel so lost and sad without her here. We didn't get along that well but I guess I miss that too. Now I'm the oldest female in our family and my brother the oldest male.

I take antidepressants but I still feel empty and sad. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm not working...that's pretty traumatic too.

Well that's my sad and depressing story. Thanks for listening.

fondly,

Charlotte

[Lostdaughter]

Dear Charlotte,

That's a lot of loss to deal with. I am very sorry. Antidepressants can only do so much for grief, but they can't hurt either. I can relate to the not working part. My dad died end of August after a long battle with Alzheimer's. He is the first to go in my family and my mom, fortunately, is taking it well.

I have no words of wisdom other than to suggest counseling and some sort of grief support group. You don't mention whether you're married or have children. If you do, at least you have those people to help you along the way.

Write here often as I think it does help. Read the posts and know you're not alone. I am sure someone will come along with more thoughts as there are some very eloquent people who post here.

A day at a time...

LD

[charliebug]

LD,

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you for your kind words.

I am married to a very understanding man. We have a 20 yr. son and a 18 yr. daughter. The kids aren't very understanding but it helps to have my husband to talk to. I also see a therapist for counseling. That doesn't really seem to help either. Everyone says it helps to talk about it. I'm geting tired talking about it. I'd like to move on.

Charlotte

[Aquarius7]

Hi Charlotte,

I am so sorry for all these losses you have dealt with and are dealing with. I too lost my Mom in June. She was the greatest friend in my entire life. I am not taking her loss well at all and am trying to find a reason to keep on living. Life is just not what it used to be without my wonderful Mom (and Dad). But somehow I try to keep going.

I am also sorry that you all did not get along too well. But you made up for that by the way you took care of her when she needed you.

As for anti-depressants, I tried them for 3 days and got off of them. I won't go back to them either because I did not like the way they made me think and feel and also I need to deal with this in reality. Not some drug-induced phony euphoria. I prefer my own therapy and just letting it all out. Sometimes I cry so much that I become very thirsty from the loss of water in by body.

I am glad you have your husband and kids (sounds like they really don't understand; they are a bit young to really get it).

We are all here for each other.

HUGS! ((((((( )))))))

[2sweetgirls]

Hi Charlotte,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and dad and brother. It does seem like a lot of grief to deal with. I hope that you find some comfort in this site. I sure do. Just knowing that I am not going crazy with my emotions and that someone (more than just one) feels the same way is comforting.

My mom passed away a year ago on Nov 30 and only 10 months later I just lost my dad on Oct 4th. I feel sick from the feelings that fester inside of me. I wish I could make it all go away too. But that is not how it is meant to be, right? We have to deal with it no matter how long it takes or how painful it is. I really don't believe that this gets better in time I, honestly, think I will be forever feeling this horrible loss. I don't think I will ever be the same again. I miss those two beautiful people. Even though they and none of us is perfect, I feel a major void.

I hope that you can continue to come to this site and express whatever you feel. We will be here to listen and hopefully share our experiences too.

Hugs to you ((((()))))

2sweetgirls