Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

One Month Today

Recommended Posts

I suppose one month isn't very long compared to some here, but it marks a month of survival for me in this horrible grief process. Although the pain and sorrow are constant, I have resigned myself to a life without Clint. Some of the anger remains, though. I haven't put away his things yet, although I can see that at some point I may be able to start on some of that, at least getting his clothes to his sons.

His family is in utter chaos and since I wasn't married to him, am not considered 'family' and am 'out of my place' in terms of anything dealing with his affairs. I am totally alone on that front. It's as though we never existed in their minds. I am tired of the negativity from them and their impatience as his estate is settled. I have told them to not even contact me since I have nothing to do with it anyway. They are apparently ticked off that I was mentioned in his obituary as his 'fiance' and the previous ex was not. I would have thought she was over that years ago, but I suppose people have issues like that.

So, here I am, after midnight, preparing to sleep alone again. This is the most difficult time of day. I am not sure how to deal with Thanksgiving and Christmas yet, but I can't simply 'skip' them since I have a young son, so I've got to come up with something. I don't feel much like celebrating myself.

I am grateful to this forum because when I first came here weeks ago, I was a total wreck and couldn't think straight from one moment to the next. The fog hasn't totally cleared yet, but reading and posting with you all has been a big help. Thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One month, 1 week, 1 hour, 2 years, 5 years, 7 years, it does not matter, we all understand one another, no matter where we are in this journey it is just as important and just as difficult. It ebbs and flows, some days are good, some excruiating, and some we might even find ourself smiling. In my opinion we are all equal, and we are brought together because of the devastating loss of our loved one.

You have made it through one month and that is HUGE. I bet you can remember moments of wondering how you would make it through the next hour. I am just so sorry that you are on this journey at all. I am very sorry that you are being treated so poorly by his family. Clearly the problem lies with them and not you. Clearly they do not see what we all see here that you loved Clint and he loved you. You are wise to rid yourself of their negativity for it does not deserve to witness your journey through this grief.

I am inspired by your grace with which you are facing your loss. Courage to you as you move forward in this journey.

Blessings, Carol Ann

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A month marks a hurdle you've gotten through. It marks survival of the unthinkable. It's a huge feat.

I wouldn't have had Christmas after George died except my son brought home a tree and my daughter helped decorate it. By Easter I rebelled...totally ignored it, and Easter had always been my favorite! I'd managed to ignore July 4th, survive Labor Day (which was always big in my family), my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's, by the time I got to Easter I felt I couldn't do another holiday without him! Somehow we get through these things, a day at a time. It helps to plan something with someone so you aren't alone, but it isn't always possible. I'm STILL having a hard time, probably because of my accumulated losses.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congratulations on making it to a month. Your last few messages have sounded less distraught and although I know that can be deceiving, I think it's a good sign. I'm just very sorry that Clint's family is making life miserable. Good for you to tell them to back off. You certainly don't need any more grief.

Today is 3 weeks for me and I'm still not sure how I'm doing. Sometimes I think I'm resigning myself and other times, I just still can't believe it and it's so overwhelming. I had a really bad night last night, but I had made the mistake of going through old photos and playing some of Glenn's favourite music. Couldn't stop crying.

I almost envy you "having" to deal with Christmas because of your little guy. I don't have that imperative, so have absolutely no reason to even think about it. I know it's going to be a nightmare and I plan on just hibernating over the holidays. A friend suggested that I buy a bottle of wine, a big bucket of ice cream, bags of chips, rent a bunch of DVDs, wrap up in a blanket and just veg through a film festival. Not a bad idea, actually. I just can't imagine being with anyone over Christmas and New Year's. Being at all social would be an extremely difficult and exhausting exercise. Not to mention that anyone around me would have a really ugly Christmas themselves!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...