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Watching Videos - How Could He Be Gone!:(

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Im sitting with my laptop and syncing my music, videos etc with my itunes. Little did i know, i was going to come across all the digital videos we've saved over the years. I looked through the one where he was singing me Karaoke - Lady in Red:( ...that was torture and painful enough. Then i looked at one where we on holiday in Cape Town, only six months into our relationship. If i look at that and what we were 3 years later (when he died), nothing had changed. He still loved me SO MUCH!!

In the video, hes pointing the camera at me and saying "this is my pops" "this is my babaloosh" (names that he called me), and then kissed me.... it was absolute pain watching this!! my heart is broken everyday and today its broken as if it was the first week.

I STILL cant believe hes gone. How could he be. He was just here!! almost 4 months have passed and I still feel like i can bring him back!

Come back Zubeir:(:(:(

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Ahhh, those memories... They are in almost every aspect of my life with him. I understand your feelings...It is painful...I still can't get through an entire song...I can't really do music yet. He loved all kinds of music, so I can't even select a specific genre....He even loved the 'Military Channel' on TV; I passed the station, paused for minute and imagined him sitting on the sofa watching. It hurts. It has only been a month for me, so I can relate. But we have to feel this pain to get better...

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I can hardly even remember the first 2 months of my grief and Im sure it must be the same for you... I found this site after the 3rd week...gosh, time flies... all i know is that it does...and now Im counting months since his death, instead of anniversaries:(

I too cant listen to music...i have a CD of "safe songs" which i play in my car...

The ipod i got as a farewell gift from work a few weeks ago...dont think I'll be able to use it much anytime soon...especially since watching videos was so painful. Also i heard our song at a restaurant recently, and I had to walk out as I burst into tears...

A friend suggested that I make a cd with all our songs and listen to them before it catches me unawares?

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I pray in time you'll be able to look at these videos and feel loved, warm, and grateful for the love you two shared. This journey is utterly painful, but journey through we must so as we can get to that place of remembering and feel comforted rather than despairing.

Hang in, this journey ebbs and flows and there is no time limit.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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