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One Year On, The Anger Is Gone


Ron B.

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A year ago I came to these forums quite angry. Though my Mother had just passed away, my anger was not about her passing. Rather I had a serious disagreement with one of my siblings. Specifically, my sister had gained control of my mother's estate. I was immediately locked out of my mother's home. I had possessions in my mother's home, which were all but thrown out on the street. The legal process was brutal; months down the line I did not know whether I would inherit anything. Open channels of communication were all but dead.

My physical health took a nose dive too. I spent last Christmas completely alone in an unheated apartment, and I caught pneumonia. Life was solidly rotten. I participated in these grief forums, but my frame of mind was disturbed. I argued with other people here, and openly rejected help from Marty, the couselor and moderator of this forum. And to top it off, I did not think I had a problem.

That was the 'before' picture. Anger ruled my life. I could hardly calm myself to do the kind of mourning that heals the loss of a parent.

Now it's a year later. Most of my mother's estate business has been settled, leaving nothing for dispute. I got professional counseling too, which helped me sift through all the raw emotion. To address the issues I had with my sister, I have embraced forgiveness. That's because I never want to experience intense anger like that ever again. Anger can be destructive, blinding, and deleterious to good judgement. That's not to say that anger is all bad. Anger has its place and and would not have evolved in humans had there not been good reason. It's just that anger should not be a ruling force in my life. I need to be at peace with myself and others; that's what best fits my own personality.

This Christmas season I have been visiting with all my siblings and their families, and that includes my sister. None of my siblings want to rehash or relive through any more emotional trauma. We are cordial with one another.

I have seen others here struggle with crippling anger. This post is just to say that there are ways to cope with this very difficult emotion. It's actually quite liberating to leave anger behind; now I can get on with my life.

Ron B.

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Ron, bless you for this post. I want to acknowledge the tremendous work you have done. I appreicate your courage in posting just such an honest and insightful post. I want to tell you about a book that I have found quite a gift in helping me cool the flames of my anger. I think anger is a healthy and normal emotion but I do agree it can take on a life of it's own and before you know it our life is driven by the anger we feel.

I am just so happy for you and I applaud you for your honesty, and your growth. What a blessing for you and an inspiration to others.

The book is written by a Bhuddist Monk, named Tich Nhat Hahn, and the name of the book is:

Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames and you can find it on amazon or perhaps at a local library.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ron, I am so happy things have started getting better for you. If you'll remember I was one of those people you lashed out at when you first came on here. It takes a big person to admit that he misjudged some people (Marty). I am proud of you. I hope you continue to grow in this journey.

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