Spiritual Relationships

[Anthony]

First-- a little history. When I was 10 I lost my 15 year old sister to an accident-- then again at 13 my 20 year old sister was in an accident. In my 20's I lost 2 grandparents. When I was 30 my dad-- and now, at 45-- I just lost my mom.

After mom went-- I myself went a little nuts-- consulted a psychic, spent too much money on telephone/Internet psychics and seriously considered paying a published medium $225 for a 30 minute telephone session...

Many (all?) of us have been right where I was-- and trust me-- I am still there some days.

Somewhere in my frantic 'Googling' for spiritual advice and comfort I cam across an article about developing a 'Spiritual Relationship' with those who are no longer with us-- and it empowered me.

How I have gone about this is what has worked for me-- and should and could, IMO be altered to fit anyone's situation...

1)- I stopped using the word 'died' or even 'passed'.

2)- I stopped thinking that I needed to say 'goodbye'.

3)- I chose something which I closely associated with my mom (a set of Noah's Arc wind chimes she loved) and began to 'talk' to them-- both out loud and mentally--- and really listened to their chiming-- I have them near my back door-- and pass them in/out of the house.

4)- I talk out loud to her a lot in the car-- and other places where I am alone and assured privacy and non-interruption.

5)- Instead of just 'knowing' what she would want of and for me now that she is gone-- I tried to begin 'living' what I know she would want of me and for me...

I do realize that she is gone-- and I am not in complicated grief-- it still hurts and there are those moments when I seem to realize for the very first moment she is gone-- and it hits me like a huge blow right to the stomach-- but these times are growing farther apart... I have found myself laughing without feeling that secret grief we all feel-- like we shouldn't be even slightly happy or amused....

Really-- no matter what you believe-- you can have an ongoing relationship with someone who is no longer with you-- we do it ALL THE TIME with people we still get to see - even those we see everyday. We think about them-- we call them up, send a text, an email-- etc. You can still do that-- but you have to learn to do it in a different way-- one that works for you. And you have to learn how to hear/see the responses-- responses I firmly believe are there for all of us....

Imagine you are no longer 'here'. Imagine what your 'heaven' or (insert whatever you want here) is-- would you not want your parents/children/spouse/friend/dog/cat/lover/etc there with you?

Would you just tra la la along and not spend any time with them at all? Especially when you pretty much have the power to do so at any time??? Think about that.

I have been pretty successful doing this with my mom-- and when I get stronger at it-- I am going to work on my dad-- although I think he shows up a lot with mom-- as do the girls (my sisters). But I want to work on each one individually...

It will take time and effort on my part-- but any worthwhile relationship does.

[grace10]

Anthony,

I think it is great that you are doing this. I really think you are on the right track. I think of my mother as being in a state of happiness and enjoyment on the other side, that I am always able to communicate, and that we will be together again at the right time. I never thought of saying goodbye. When I am ready, I think I am going to work on communication with others who are on the other side as well.