So Many Emotions...

[nanasbaby]

Its been two weeks since my mother passed away. Now I hate Sundays, Thursdays and most everything. Last Thursday was one week since the funeral and I woke up then began shaking and crying....Each day I have an episode of crying. I go into the bathroom which I have deemed my "cry room." Im at my parents house right now, and it doesnt feel the same. It is too quiet. I miss my mother so much. Whenever I would come over she would tell me to sit down because Im always running around with my own kids. Even though I cant do hair to save my life she would always compliment my girls hair.

I loved to hug and kiss her every five minutes. I know I was a pest and she would tell me so. I cant believe she is gone. Part of me feels like Im taking it too easy. Ive gone back to my routine. Getting the kids to school. Working. Right now I have this great need to get out and enjoy life. I dont know why. At the same time, I dont want to be bothered with anyone. I feel disappointed in the people I called friends. I know its wrong, but I see that so many people that work with my sister went really went all out and sent fruitbaskets, cooked food for the family etc.

The people I called friends made excuses. The weather. They didnt know when the service was blah blah blah My boss that I have worked with for two years didnt even send a card. he did an on air "dedication"Call me crazy but at a time like this that people should be willing to go the extram mile..I found out exactly how much I mean to these so called friends. Now everyone has gone back to calling me up simply to listen to their problems. Once they are done blabbing, I get:"so how are you..how is the family.." GRRRRRRRRRR, Thank you all for letting me vent..can anyone relate ???

[sweetpea]

Hi Sorry for your loss. I just lost my mom to on 11-5=2010. Really hard on my family too.

I have alot of feelings like you also that I am workling through. Read some good books and got on line to look through some

stuff also. I feel alone at times and my whole family is so angry and argue all the time. mom would of never

wanted this and I know she is disappointed in all of us.

Miss her dearly and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Never lost anyone before this close to me.

[hazleprew]

Im very sorry for the loss of your mother and I can most certianly relate. I just lost my mother rather suddenly in November. She was my best friend, even writting this wells my eyes up. Sometimes I feel as though its not real still. I almost am not allowong myself to let it be reality. I saw her daily and leaned on her for everything. I feel very empty and lonely even though i have a large caring family and 2 young children of my own, i have this massive void in my heart. I find my mind is occupied because my children are young but i cry every night when the house is silent. I dont understand how things are supposed to get better when i have lost someone with whom i cared so deeply for. I hate that im going to spend more of my life without her than i did with her. I feel the same as you when you say who your real friends are....i did get alot of sympathy from friends, family and co-workers but where is everyone now? People who i thought would at least say something said nothing, but i guess in that regard, they arent really worth keeping as friends. Please vent, ive never lost anyone close to me prior to this...

[nanasbaby]

Thank you Sweet Pea and Hazle. At first I thought I said something wrong because no one had responded. I said to myself" Great now I cant even vent to the people who truly understand.." When you have young children, I guess you have to put on a brave face. My girls are 7,9, and 11. However my children do not even mention their Nana. Im wondering if I should ask them how they are feeling. I know the past few months have been hard on them. They seemed to go through their own depression. I have not focused on them the way I should. This has all been going on since the first week of school. Normally Im strict about their homework and schoool work ..but this school year I have spent most of my time glued to the internet trying to understand my mother's condition. Every day I feel alone. Im glad you all understand. Im sorry for your loss Sweetpea and Hazle. This is my first time losing someone close to me and it feels just awful.

I find myself constantly reading the texts from the day she died. My brother was at the hospital with her and I re read the entire day's texts. I go back and read old texts that say "mom is tired today". Im only two weeks into this. We are expecting a big snow storm tomorrow night and I got filled with panic when I heard that because my mother died on the day of the blizzard on December 26th. Every year now the holidays will never be the same because it will be the anniversary of her passing. Today I didnt even go into the office to work, I slept and cried the entire day. I hope you all find peace and comfort.

[hazleprew]

My mother also spent the last week of her life in the hospital and my brother sister father and I did shift work to stay with her so she was never alone. After she passed i also found myself reading the text messages from my family. Saying one day she is doing well and resting and the next come to the hospital its not looking good. It has been such a rollercoaster of emotions. I spent endless hours on the internet trying to find out more details of her condition after her diagnosis in October. None of us were aware of how severe it was and we lost her 7 weeks later. I think maybe our circumstances nanasbaby are somewhat similar. I feel as though this is always what i want to vent about and my father isnt handling it very well so im glad i found this website to talk to people who can relate.

[nanasbaby]

OMG Hazle our situations are sooo alike. My father is doing well at least it seems that way. This weekend we are cleaning out my mother's closet. Since we were about the same height I will be taking alot of her clothes and shoes. I feel as if Im bringing her home with me. However Im surprised we are doing this so quickly beccausse its not as if my father is moving or anything. I think we should leave her things alone. But I guess its all part of the process....Hope your day goes well today ))

[beakerj]

Hey guys, I guess we're all in this together...lost my Mum on the 14th Nov this year - 7 weeks ago now, after spending every day with her in the hospice for 3 weeks. I hate Sundays too.I ended up having a breakdown, am on meds & I shake a lot. I just really really empathise with you all. I can't bear to see my Mum's stuff yet, well, not much of it, who knows when I will...Me & my brothers are all reacting really differently, but, unlike their friends, mine aren't forgetting what's happened. I have amazing friends, thank God. Everything feels weird & wrong...blah blah blah. I'm so tired of it all too.

Just wanted you to know there's more of us who understand.

Big hugs from the UK.

Becka XXXXX

[nanasbaby]

Im glad to meet you Beaker. Im sorry for your loss. Im glad you have supportive friends. I have learned a valuable lesson and that is I need to get out and start enjoying life because its too short to waste time. Right now everything seems so weird. Today I actually feel good but I feel bad for feeling good. Even if I feel good, its still the first and foremost thought on my mind. I cannot sleep at night. I dont cry I just cannot sleep. Everyone is still talking about the blizzard two weeks ago...I hate it because that is the day my mother died. I feel betrayed because I always equated snow with happiness. I loved to snuggle up on a snowy day. Now its the enemy. A reminder.