My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me After Her Mom Died

[L. Lewis]

Hi, first off I ask for all who respond to forgive my ignorance in this matter. I don't know a whole lot and really need some advice. My girlfriend's mom past away 11/29/2010 from colon cancer and things havnt been the same between us. Before her mother's passing we were talking of getting married and having kids. Infact we have always taked about such things ever since we began dating in high school. We truly loved each other. But since her passing things have been on a downward spiral. To make matters worse her little brother is only 12 and she is now his legal guardian. In the beginning I was there as often as I could be, willing to listen and not say a word as I really didn't know what to say. I admit when I did speak I said the wrong things like she is in a better place and is no longer suffering. Dumb thing to say now I see. She used to talk to me about things, how she was feeling and what her days were like. How hard things were. But slowly she stopped talking to me. Stopped telling me that she loved me. When things. Started to feel different, I asked her if she wanted me to take a step back and give her some space, she told me no. She didn't want me to go anywhere. But things continued to get worse. Again I asked her if she wanted me to take a step back, she told me no. But she became more and more distant. And now we are at a point where days go by and she won't respond to my calls or texts. At the moment she doesn't have a job so I know she is very frustrated with having to take care of her little brother. She is living with her stepdad, but he isn't acting right either. We kind of have been talking more regularly but when we do I feel like a stranger. Like she won't let me in anymore. While we have a date for valentines day it feels like she is slowly slipping away from me.

We talked last week and she told me I should move. She said that while she loves me dearly and is still deeply inlove with me she can't promise that we will be together. She doesn't want to talk about the future at all. She says she doesn't feel like the same person. I told her that while I respect that she needs her space, that I wasn't going anywhere. I will always be right here for for anything she needs. She said thanks and

She doent know it yet, but I am paying $700 for to get her bartenders liscence. Its what she wants to do and it provides her a way to take care of her and her little brother. I'm just mad I didn't think of it before. I can't wait to give it to her, but I feel that in the time it will take everything to be finalized she may see us as just friends.

Please give me some advice, I love this woman with all my heart and don't know want to love or be with anyone elseM when I look at her, I still see the woman I love and want to marry and have a family with but I just don't know if that will ever come true now

What should I do?

[kayc]

LL,

Have you posted here before? Because it sounds just like another post a few months ago.

I am sorry you are going through this. I lost my fiance when his mom was dying too, and it hurt like the dickens and I still don't understand how his breaking up with me helped anything, I wanted to be there fore him...but I learned I don't get a say in it and I had to accept it. It's been six months since he broke up with me and he still won't talk about it to me.

The one thing I've learned is we have no control in the situation or the other person's response. We have to respect their wishes. In time you may feel differently about everything, but it's a long road to that point. I'm still not over my BF and am not interested in dating anyone and don't foresee that ever happening.

You can be there for her as best as you can but only as much as she will let you. My exfiance didn't speak to me for two months...then after his mom died he has called nearly every day except for a couple of weeks, and now the last 16 days I haven't heard from him again. I don't call, I give him his space...he knows my number should he want to talk. At this point I don't see us getting back together (ever), but I do still care about him and would like to be his friend. I like him and enjoy his company but I don't want to get hurt again and don't trust him anymore. I'm not even sure we can survive as friends but it's all too bad because I feel comfortable with him and appreciate his wonderful sense of humor...but then on the other hand, I'm still in love with him so it still hurts and I can't help but wonder why all this happened and what is going on...but knowing I'll never get an answer I have to let my unanswered questions go.

Your situation is different in that each person's situation is unique so you may have a different outcome and it may look and feel different, I can only tell you what I've been through and learned and I'm not sure I learned a whole lot except that I no longer trust and can't get involved again. Good luck to you! I wish it wasn't this way...