beakerj Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Hi guys, haven't written for a while, but have got to the point of needing to share stuff with others & to ask my constant question 'is this normal?', actually, 'am I normal?'. I wrote before that one of the things my Mother's death has caused in me is big spiritual questions & doubts. I've been a Christian for a long time & wasn't expecting this. A lot of my questions are about whether God could really be good, & how can we ever be sure. All sorts of scary thoughts come to mind, & I get freaked out because I'm too small to be able to...I don't know what I'm too small for, I'm just too small. I do have a history with anxiety/agoraphobia & this is all making it really hard for me to be outside & do stuff like normal....& I'm not an indoor person, at all. I look around when outside, at nature etc & think that I'm in the hands of a huge God, or huge chance (if there is no God), & I get very very anxious as I can't prove to myself that I'm safe in the hands of whatever. I'm doing all the 'right' things, reading my Bible, some books on God's love, taking my medication etc etc, but just feel so vulnerable & stressed out all the time. I look around & everyone else is just getting on with life, it feels like the inside of their brains are just so different to mine, & mine has gotten itself into some horrible corner it will never come out of. I want to feel normal about the world again. What is going on with me? I wrote Chicken Licken in the title because it reminds me of the children's story where he believes the sky is falling in, but no-one else does...that's me right now. I am so fed up with this. Becka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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