Inconsolable Grief

[Cat_Lady]

Today was a terrible day and I really don't know why. All I could do was cry and feel like since Mom died, no one cares anymore. My daughter was close to my Mom and I don't want to burden her. My husband is a "man of few words" and feels, "I should be starting to feel better". What is wrong with me? Anyone have any insights? I feel like I am losing my mind!

[Steven]

We all know why, of course...it was terrible because your Mom died recently and you miss her--that's completely natural, Cat_Lady. Transitioning from the Mom who lived a phone call away to the one who resides in your heart takes some time, but it will happen.

Because you've decided not to talk about this with your daughter, and your husband doesn't have the words or temperament, have you considered a support group or therapy?

In retrospect, I should have gone to a counselor far sooner than I did, so it's something I recommend to anyone dealing with grief. If you're open to the idea, I hope it's something that is an option for you, Cat_Lady. ~ Steve

[DawnG]

Hello, please please please don't feel guilty for feeling the loss of your mother. It doesn't matter if it was yesterday, a month ago, a year ago, 10 years ago. You'll always feel that sense of loss. I lost my mom June 18 2007 and have found out on my own and through the help of the book Motherless Daughters that grief doesn't just happen and go away, it stays with you for a lifetime, it may disappear for a time but a smell or a sound can bring it back in an instant and that is normal. So please don't feel that you should be getting over it like your husband says, that is not the right thing to say to someone who has lost someone. Maybe, if you're daughter was close to your mom it would be good to talk to your daughter about it, you might be surprised. I had the same issue with my sister, I was deathly afraid to bring it up but now she brings it up and I'm very proud of her for that. I hope this helps you out. So sorry for your loss.

Take Care

Dawn

[niamh]

Today was a terrible day and I really don't know why. All I could do was cry and feel like since Mom died, no one cares anymore. My daughter was close to my Mom and I don't want to burden her. My husband is a "man of few words" and feels, "I should be starting to feel better". What is wrong with me? Anyone have any insights? I feel like I am losing my mind!

Cat_Lady, I am so sorry you're having such an awful day, sounds absolutely normal to me. Yep it does feel like you're losing your mind but I promise you are not. There is nothing at all wrong with you. I want to just recommend a book that helped me feel so very normal in the beginning, I had no clue what was happening to me, I thought by mind would just burst with the amount of emotions and feelings, all at the same time, jumping from one feeling to another to another in seconds, just one massive mess.

It's called "How to survive your grief" by Susan Fuller, it's like a reference book, very easy to read, you don't read it like a book actually, it just has a list of about 50 or so feelings/emotions/reactions and one or 2 pages on each, explaining how normal it is to feel that. You can jump to any one you feel and hopefully it can give you some TINY comfort to just know yep, it's all perfectly normal. You can subscribe on the website to get little snippets of the book before you actually buy it so you get an idea of what it's all about.

In the meantime you'll have lots of us here too telling you how normal it all is. I'm sorry your husband feels you should be starting to "feel better", personally I never liked that term and feel annoyed when people ask if Im feeling "better" yet ........it's not the flu, it's not some illness, how do you actually "feel better" about losing a parent ......eh you don't as far as I am concerned, you simply learn to live with it.

I'm sorry too you feel like noone cares, I get that feeling on and off and I really think it's probably more about just missing that unconditional love from my Dad, knowing nobody else can replace it and it feels so lonely without him and at times I do feel like nobody else in this world gives a crap .......of course that's not really true but when that feeling hits, it's how you feel, end of story.

sending a big caring (((hug))) your way,

Niamh

[sunstreet]

Dear Cat_Lady,

I am so sorry for your loss. I want to add my voice along with the others in support and understanding. I agree with all that has been said here. I just would like to specifically stress that perhaps, to seek out a grief support group and/or a grief counsellor might be worthwhile to think on and perhaps try.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[trying2Cope]

There is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since my Dad died suddenly at the age of 59. I still don't know where this time has gone. It sure doesn't wait for you to get your mind together and figure out a way to fill in the hole that is in your heart. It sucks doesn't it? Ugh, I find myself getting extremely frustrated. It seems that everyone was very consoling, etc for at least a week, and now its almost as if they feel that (like your husband says) I should be starting to feel better. It is totally not the case. It is not fair to tell, or expect someone to feel a certain way. I didn't know I could feel this empty, or this sad, until 3 weeks ago when I lost such an important person in my life. I didn't know what to do, where to go, or who to talk to. I have a few friends that have lost parents, so they know what the void feels like. I needed something more, something where I could say anything and everything I wanted to, and so that is why I am here. Good for you for finding a place where people truly care. I feel for you, so find some comfort, however small that may be, in knowing that there are people out here that know what you are feeling and care. I haven't logged on in a few days, but now that I have, I know that I need to come back more often. Keep your head up, I know its hard. I pray that people can understand what you are going through. I have thought of seeing a therapist myself just because I think it would be good for me. You have to take care of YOU. I wish you the best, sending hugs your way.