I Miss My Brother Isiah

[HannahB]

On January 18, 2011, I received a call from a friend telling me that my younger brother had been in an accident and was in the hospital. His friend immediately came to pick me up and bring me to my brother. When I got to the hospital we went to find the waiting room and and as we were walking down a hallway I saw my brother being pushed through the doors. He was a mess and I had never seen him like that before. I burst into tears in Isiah's friends arms. He was 21 and a crane operator in Fort McMurray, Alberta and was driving home from work in the crane down Beacon Hill. The roads were so icy that night and he lost control of the crane and went over an embankment. The doctors told me the response time was fast because police had been near by when he crashed but he'd been unconscious since they got to him and he had suffered a major head injury. They brought me to a waiting room where many of his friends were already and told me that after they ran some tests I could go see him and talk to him even though he might not be able to hear me. It was an incredibly long night and eventually the doctors told me he wasn't going to make it. The pain I felt was unbearable. They gave one last effort and tried to operate on him but eventually came to tell me he was gone. That was the worst night of my life. The next few days got worse. And these past few months have been incredibly difficult. I have so much support and have gotten to hear so many wonderful stories about him from his friends and I've shared my memories as well as my parents. He was my only sibling. We were only a year apart and all of my childhood memories involve him. We've been friends since we were kids and we fought a lot in our teen years but now as adults we got along so well. We shared a lot of the same friends and had so much fun together. We could talk to each other about absolutely anything. It hurts so much knowing that now the only place I can see him is in my dreams and my memories.. but I am thankful for all of the wonderful memories I have with him. I just wish I could hear him again and ask his advice or laugh with him or just go for a drive with him in his truck. I've accepted he's gone but some days I forget and think I should invite him out and some days I'm in total disbelief. I've never lost anyone in my life, even all of our grandparents are still with us. He won't get to see me graduate from university or get married or be the amazing uncle to my children that I know he would have been. I know he'll be there in some way but not the way it should be. He is such a huge part of my life. I wish I would have told him more how much he meant to me. There hasn't been a day since he died that I haven't cried. The pain isn't as bad some days as others but I think about him a lot and I miss him everyday. Last night I had a dream about him and I could hear his laugh so clearly and his voice and I could hug him and I wish it wasn't just a dream. I woke up and cried. He is missed by so many people. I hope he knows how special he is.. or was.. I hate saying was when I talk about him.

[Guest Nicholas]

I feel so sorry for you, I know exactly how you are feeling and there are many on here who can comfort you and offer advice. I lost my only son in December and it, too, was unexpected even though he had a drink problem. As he was adopted, he was closer to my own age and so was, also, like a younger brother in some ways.

I am sure many on here will give better advice than I can as I am still in the distraught stage.

Good luck

Nicholas

[elb]

Hey,

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my brother in an accident and he was my best friend too, but everyone's grief is different so where I cannot imagine the pain you are in I can sympathize. I agree with you though, I never say "was" when I talk about Oren. Maybe I am in denial or not properly "moving on" but I could care less I will never say "was" when I talk about him I don't care if I live for 100 years. I am not sure how I feel about spirits or souls living on or any of that but I do believe it is never too late to say what you need to say to people you love and I keep a book with poems or notes or stories to write to my brother (or maybe it's just for me) about us and him and what I remember. It makes me feel a little better I don't know if other people do anything like that. I am in pain for you and what you are going through; if you need someone with a little experience in this, I am here to listen.

Praying for Isiah.

[hello123]

HannahB, Im so sorry for your loss, it's so young and just unfair. One thing I understand though is when you said about not having lost anyone before, my dad died really suddenly and both his parents are still alive both my mums parents too I've never experienced death before and the first time has been with my closest person I never thought it would be. I also know what you mean about the dreams I keep having dreams where he's alive or where I know he's dead but I can still hear him and see him. And as for speaking in past tense I dont like doing that either I always say it like hes still here. Its so difficult and unfair if you ever want to talk im here xxxx