I Love You Daddy

[Alycat]

In the summer of the 4th grade, my brothers had returned home from camp. we were in a happymood and i was goofing around when the mood darkened. My parents sat s down and that my dad had Prostate Cancer. It was shocking but we were learning to deal with it. He went and had surgery and radiation done but, that hadn't done anything. Also my brother was eing a total butt head and didn't care about anybody but himself. this made life at home tense and strained when he was around. My other brother has some sort of mental illness so that means even though hes 20 i'm smarter. My mom works alot and i didn't want to bother her with what was going on with me. she didn't need to know that she had a depressed child to.

[Alycat]

in 7th grade i couldn't handle it and i used and i used an old pocket knife. i did it hard enough to hurt myself witout causing blood, to make it look like a common scatch because i'm so accident prone. i fel so bad that imediatley after i wnet to my mom olding the knife. thats hen she called for help. she got me a therapist. it helped some but... I need to take supplements now to ake me happy.

For my 13th birthday my dad decided should go to disneyland for my birthday! it was fun and he went on alot of rides with me. 2 weeks later he can barely get out of bed. he needs my mom to wheel him to the couch. soon he didn't even have the strenth to do that. he would lay in bed all day asleep. finaly my mom got him a hospital bed

Soon Spring break stared and i was estatic! I would get to go to a wedding, to my favorite muesem, babysit, and see my favorite band in concet Skillet!

March 12, 2011 ws the wedding. it was a simple fun wedding and when i came home m Uncel Lee and Grandma sorta ran into my parents bedroom. i went to put my mom' ring back in her bathroom but the shut the door on me. I knew something happened. I knew in my heart that he was gone but i was just hopeing something else and hapened. I went in my room and put jeans on and went to my grandma who was talking to my mom.

"Ok what happened? i know somethings up so don't try to sugarcoat it for me." i said. and they told me what i already knew. My dad died.

My sister ave my dad a magnet one year that said "Prostate Cancer: 0

My DAD: 1

I guess prostate cancer won in the end.

I Love you daddy.

Prostate Cancer:2

My Dad: 1

[niamh]

Alyson, honey, I am SO SO sorry that your Daddy is gone from this physical world. I wish I had words of comfort for you, I wish there was something anyone could say but the words just do not exist.

Please know we are all here to listen and share with you so come anytime you like, say anything you want, this is a safe place. I just don't know what to say, I wish I could change things.

I am glad you had a great trip to Disney with your Dad, what a fab Dad doing that for your birthday and it's just not fair that he's been taken from you.

sending you a big huge (((DADDY GIRL HUG)) and we are all here for you and with you Alyson whenever you need ,

xox

Niamh

[kayc]

I'm sorry you lost your Dad, it's esp. hard at a young age. It's good that you finally told your mom what you were feeling so she could get you some help in dealing with your feelings. It's good to get it out and writing is healthier than cutting, besides, there's people here to listen to you and hear you, and that's validating.

[beakerj]

Hey Aly, I'm soooo sorry to hear about your Dad dying, my Mum died of cancer recently too, & to say that it hurts & you miss them is a total understatement. I'm really sorry for your pain.

DO you have someone at school that you can talk to as well, a school counsellor or something, or a teacher that you like? Unfortunately you won't be the first person to lose their Dad so early. There'll be lots of people out there who want to help you cope with the pain in a less harmful form than cutting, or stuff like that, but hopefully won't judge if that's what you're doing for now. There's a British website (I'm in England & work with teenagers) that's really good, it's called Winston's Wish & is there to help young people who are grieving. http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/foryoungpeople/default.asp?section=000100010001&pagetitle=Young+People

I'm not sure that it'll link, but I hope so.

Hang in there girl, it is ridiculously hard, but there are lots of people who sympathise with you, & want to hear how you're feeling. The people here are really great.

Big hug,

Becka

[Alycat]

Thanks guys you are so kind! it hurts alot and i wish i still had him.

[2sweetgirls]

I am so sorry Alycat for the loss of your dad. I lost my dad to kidney failure, due to prostate cancer that had spread, six months ago (I can't believe it has been 6 months already). As I sit here with tears rolling down my face, I wish I had the words to comfort you but all I can do is say I'm sorry and we are all here to listen whenever you want, whatever you want. It is definitely better than cutting. I have a 4th grader and can't imagine having to have that conversation with her. It's hard to lose a parent at any age but, I feel at an early age is extra hard. Maybe I'm sensitive to that because I have young children.

It sounds like you had a great time with your dad at Disney. Beautiful memories to try to hold on to.

I wish I had more to say but, simply there aren't any words that can ease your pain.

Big hugs to you!!!!

2sweetgirls

[Daughter2010]

Alycat,

I am sorry about the loss of your father. I lost my father too 17 months ago to stomach cancer. He was a great father to me as I am sure your father was to you. Please feel free to come here as many times as you want, to tell us about your day or how you feel, we are here for you. It is good you told your mom about the cutting, she loves you so much and wants the best for you. You are not alone, there are people here who understand.

Sometimes I don't understand why my father is not here anymore, he was a young man. But I have learned one thing about this, and that is that I am not alone and will never be alone, my father watches over my family, wherever he may be now in heaven.

I wished my father were here too, but every night before going to sleep I send him a big big hug wherever he is.

Sweetie, feel free to come by, sending you a big hug.

Hang in there,

-L