Someone Who's Been There

[kayc]

I just got back from two days at a "Women of Faith" conference in Portland Oregon. One of the speakers was a young woman who told us of meeting a very special young man when she was just 15 years old, of their ensuing relationship, and what a special person he was, what a special relationship they were blessed with. They married and after 18 years of knowing each other, just as they were ready to start a family, on Sept. 10, 2001 while vacationing in Jamaica, he had a diving accident. They looked for him all evening and on Sept. 11 as her family wanted to fly to be with her, they couldn't...all of America was grounded because of its own tragedy. All alone, across the world, she faced her grief alone with her God. He sent a housekeeper to hug her and sing to her (albeit off key ) as a sign of His comfort to her. Now, nearly four years later, this beautiful young woman continues to keep alive his memory with the hope she has of seeing him again, and continues to cherish him by her continued wearing of her wedding ring. She talks of learning to live again, in spite of the pain, with her loss, and drawing close to God for her source of strength. She has written books..."Learning to Breathe Again" and "Beyond the Sorrow" and two songs on her CD's spoke to me, particularly "My Irreplaceable" (speaking of how we can have losses in this life but God is her "irreplaceable" that can never be lost) and the other is "Father God". As broke as I am, I decided to purchase these, for right now I'd take comfort and strength and wisdom over food any day. Another young woman, Natalie Grant, had a friend write a song for two of her friends who had recently experienced great losses...one lost their seven month old baby that it had taken ten years to be able to conceive, the other lost her husband quite rapidly to Leukemia. This song is called "Held" and its words also held meaning for me. I will see if I can get a hold of the words to them. But isn't it neat, that the first time I ever attended this conference, that it spoke to me the very things I needed? I should have brought a lot more kleenex. The thing that really spoke to me about Tammy was her spirit in spite of and in the midst of her pain that is still real and still fresh and that was evident...and her love for her husband, that in spite of her youth, in spite of not having had children yet, she still chooses to honor him. I am so tired of hearing "You're young (I'm nearly 53), you'll find someone else" or people who minimize my loss because I wasn't able to be married to my husband longer...some of us who are younger or had shorter marriages loved deeply and completely and that was the case with my husband and myself, and some of us do not want to replace our husbands...in fact, I find it disheartening that in this instant gratification world that we live in, people seem to think that we can replace our irreplaceable spouses almost instantly! I don't judge those who do, believe me I don't, the loneliness and pain is something so great that none of us can judge how people handle it, but for myself, I find comfort that there is someone else out there that feels as I do, that my dead husband is worth more than all of the alive men that live today put together...no offense, it's just my feeling, and I'm sure there are those of you who feel the same way about your deceased spouse.

[LBA]

THANKS for shraing this, I think it's great, and you have truly honored your husband, BLESSINGS on you.

[Charlie]

kayc

I truly agree, there is no other man on this earth that could ever take the place of my wonderful husband. He was kind, caring, and would do anything for me to make me happy for over 46 years. I will never stop loving him until the day I die and join him. I am happy for others who can go on with their lives and rebuild another life, but I would not and could not ever rebuild without him. When he was ill he always said you will move on and start a new life without me, he was so wrong. My life was him, now I just go thru the motions of having a life and really only look forward to when God feels it is time for me to join him.

Grace

ONLY YOU

7/1/38 -10/20/04

[WaltC]

....  I am happy for others who can go on with their lives and rebuild another life, but I would not and could not ever rebuild without him.  When he was ill he always said you will move on and start a new life without me, he was so wrong.  My life was him, now I just go thru the motions of having a life and really only look forward to when God feels it is time for me to join him.

Grace

Amen Grace - I share your emotions. I am also happy for those who do go on with their lives and can rebuild.

Like your dear husband, my loving wife also told me that I should move on and "be happy".

As much as I want to honour her wishes, I am unable to do so.

After over 40 years of a great relationship with one fine lady I have absolutely NO interest in any other relationship.

[kayc]

Grace and Walt,

You ARE doing what makes you happiest...you are remembering and continuing to love that very special person in your lives. We don't HAVE to have someone else...some of us choose to cherish the memories we do have, and I think our spouses would understand and accept the path we've chosen for ourselves. Choosing to live does not mean we don't miss our spouses...actually, we live whether we choose to or not...we have been left, with no say so in it, but in my way, trying to do positive things such as eating right and exercising are ways of honoring my husband. You see, I know he wanted me to live because he asked me to get my heart checked, and I know he cared about the kids and wanted them to have me a while longer even if he couldn't stay here with us. I also know he would want me to be happy, above all...it is that part that is the hardest to fullfill...I am basically a happy person and I don't think I am depressed, but I still have a hard time with what's been tossed my way, and I know the missing him and the pain will endure for a lifetime...anyone who says different hasn't been through this. So happiness...well I am trying but let's just say it's not like it was...and it never will be. There is a lot of me that is gone.