Feeling Alone

[Cat_Lady]

I have been here off and on since january when my Mom died. As with others posting here, my friends and family were supportive at the time but as time goes by it seems everyone is falling away. My husband is a great guy but emotionally detached and always has been. My daughter has anxiety issues and misses her grandmother alot. I am an only child and my Dad died in 1999. The only relatives I have left are 3 cousins with whom I have never been close and who don't live even in the same province.

My Mom was my rock and we were best friends and I see now, moer than ever, how her support kept me going. She would encourage me with my daughter, comfort and support me with my husband, and love me unconditionally. Now that she is gone, it seems that all these issues that have been in my life for so long seem too much to handle. No on seems to be there for me anymore. It is like I have taken off the Rose Colored Glasses and see how lacking my life really is. How my friends pulled away while I was raising my daughter with my workaholic never home husband and then while I was caring for Mom after Dad died. Now there is no one but me ... I feel so all alone.

I did reconnect with an old friend, who lost his Dad in December, and we seemed to be able to help each other by talking about how we felt. Now it seems that even he is pulling away. I know that I am not a bad person but what is happening? How did I get to be so alone? How am I going to keep moving forward with all this darkness and loneliness?

Please, if anyone has advice I would really appreciate it.

Linda

[BellaRosa]

Hi Linda,

I don't know if I have any advice, but I can tell you that I feel really alone too. I'm an only child, as was my mom, and I've never met anyone on my dad's side of the family (due to some argument when my parents got married). I feel like I have no family, even though I have my husband and my dad. I have my in-laws, but they're not MY family and it's just not the same.

I have friends, but none of them really want to listen to me talk about my mom so I've kind of pulled away from most of them. The only ones I really talk to are the two who have lost parents as well because they understand how I'm feeling and what I'm going through.

This has made me realize what a great relationship my mom and I had. No one else can provide the unconditional love and support that she did. My dad is great and we get along wonderfully, but it's not the same.

I don't know how we keep moving forward through the darkness, but we will. We have to. Life goes on, and I know our moms wouldn't want us to get stuck in grief over them. They would want us to be happy and continue on with our lives as best we can. Coming here helps to get things off my chest and I usually feel a little better after reading/posting.

Erin

[Guest Nicholas]

You can feel lonely in a room of 100 people, or in a large supermarket, not only when you are literally on your own. I look at my friends and family and nearly all have a partner or children. I only have friends and (some) family now and yet I used to prefer being alone. How I wish now that I would hear the sound of the key in the door ...

[Tee]

I'm 23 years old and I lost my mother when I was in the prime of my teenage years. I never got that help or advice from my mother that a teenager so desperately needs, and my dad was more distant than ever trying to deal with his own loss. I felt like it was me against the world and that I didn't have time to be weak or show any weakness because no one was going to be there to pick up the pieces anyway. There are times when I tell my husband about my past and try to describe my mother and the pain I went through, but I just know he doesn't get it or understand, and no matter the amount of affection or attention he gives me, I still feel so lonely when it comes to my grief. The only times I don't feel alone is when I don't think about her and I try to block out those memories. I know its not the best thing for me to do, but I don't have anyone to talk to or to comfort me. I'm hoping that joining this forum will give me escape and some sense of comfort knowing that it's not just me.

[hello123]

Tee I SO understand what you said and I do the same and feel bad. The only time I feel 'normal' and not alone is when I block it on and pretend that it hasn't happened and I also feel guilty about it but its the only time you dont feel that feeling and you feel like everyone else

[Guest Nicholas]

True, the only time I also feel "normal" is when I am occupied with some task, other than that, there is no escape from the loneliness and the tears.

[Cat_Lady]

Everyone, thanks for your support. Coming here really does help and knowing other people are having similar feeling is really a comfort! I have had times when I have pushed the feelings down/aside and it works for a while but you always get the rebound eventually. I know Mom would not want me to be sad but I also know we knew me well enough to know how much I would miss her, so I am just trying to take it one day at a time. Let's just all keep posting to support each other, good days and bad.

Thanks so much to you all,

Linda

[BellaRosa]

I do the same thing - distract myself so I won't have to think about it, but it always comes back. It works for a little while, but then the pain is there again when I'm no longer occupied. It makes me feel guilty -- I shouldn't be pushing the pain away, I should be experiencing it. I'm just so tired and want all the pain to be over. I want things to go back to normal.

Erin