It;s Been 4 Months

[Country Sunshine]

of total confusion..... I do have friends that have been through this, but they have children that are there for them.... I live alone with my dogs and kitties and it is not like having a human to relate to at home.

But I prayed for God to please send me someone that I really could relate to. A week later, the phone rang .... it was a fellow I had not spoken with for more than 30 years... But best of all, he was a good friend of my husbands and they had worked together for a number of years.... but when we all retired, we went different ways and simply lost touch. We moved twice, he moved twice...but thanks to God and thanks to the head of the retirees association where they both retired from, he got a notice that my beloved has passed.... along with my contact information should he care to write or call....

He too had lost his "soul mate" some years ago, and so said he understood what I was going through... He does have a son and so he said if it were not for that, then he has no idea what would have become of him... After several phone calls, he asked if I would like for him to continue to call as he would love to be my "prayer partner" and also to be there for me to reach out to no matter what time of the day.... He cared deeply for my beloved and I remember so many times we all got together so many times at one another home or just for an evening out.. He lives quite a long way from me, so travel for visit is not possible...at least not at the moment... I just cann't drive that far and he is not well enough to drive the distance... so we will simply have to be content with the blessing of Pa Bell's invention. It is nice to hear funny stories about my beloved when they worked together that I had not heard about.. and also some that I had.. and recalled..

It all makes my cry, but sometimes those stories make me laugh as well.. so this is a wonderful blessing.. This interaction sure does soften the ache some... but I still ache so terribly, knowing that I cann't reach out to touch him any longer... and so I weep...

There is a gospel song by Jason Crabbe that really sums it all up .... It is called "Sometimes I cry" and is on youtube... It sure does tell is exactly how I am...

Thank you for listening to my rambling...

[Lainey]

Dear Country Sunshine,

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much, I wonder if the pain will ever go away. I know, at 18 months , it has lessened most of the time.. but then there are times like today, where the moment I woke up I knew that it was/is going to be a bad day.

You are so lucky to have been contacted by an old friend of your husband and you. How wonderful to share stories and hear things you never knew about him. I hope you continue your contact, even if it has to be via the phone. It will for sure help you with your lonliness.

Lainey

[kayc]

County Sunshine,

I'm glad you have someone to talk with about your husband that understands what you are going through. I have grown kids but they don't live nearby and I don't see them often. I too depend on my dog to keep me company, and it can get lonely.

[sunstreet]

Dear Country Sunshine,

I love your name/handle! I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain. I so resonate as I have been there before. God has always answered my prayers too and blessed my life in ways that I find at times I did not even realize until much much later.

I am still developing a life outside of work and home and beginning to try to trust again and let people in my life. I always had Melissa before and when she died it was so hard to navigate life on my own. I lean way to heavily on my cat Cheekeh for company but he doesn't seem to mind.

Good for you for allowing this connection! I understand how it helps but that the ache is still there..not being able to touch/hold him and be held any longer. Bit by bit, moment by moment that is all one can do.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann