Maylissa Posted September 9, 2005 Report Share Posted September 9, 2005 Hello All,Although I lost my brother 1.5 years ago now, I've not had the chance to really deal with his death....and I'm almost afraid to even go there, even now. Our Mother died first, in Jan./04. Three weeks later, I was 'allowed' to fly back home and go through what was left of her clothes. Our father had had bad dementia for a long while and made this whole process almost impossible. My oldest brother ( of 2, with me the only daughter ), met me at our parents' house, to support me and guard me, should our father get violent or abusive. This was the brother I'd reconnected with, after many years of silence, when our Mother was hospitalized with a stroke. So for the previous 6 months, we'd been talking fairly regularly again, long distance, trying to get our Mother's need taken care of - a long story. Ultimately, her care suffered and she had a final, massive stroke. I still had many unresolved issues with this brother ( and don't even get me started on my other brother! ), but at least he was helping me out somewhat with our father. About 3.5 wks. later, just as I was about to reply to my brother's last email to me ( cryptically, and ironically titled "last email"! ), I got a call from his partner, who told me she'd had to take him to the hospital, with......a sudden stroke!, and that he was on full life-support and it didn't look good. He'd picked her up from work, then couldn't zipper up his coat and told her she'd better take him to the hospital.......anyone who knew my brother would know this was dead serious because he hated doctors and especially hospitals and avoided both as much as possible. However, this woman ( I'd never actually met her in person, though she'd been with him about 14 years; his 3rd 'wife' ), told me herself that she FIRST went somewhere to get some food to take with them before getting him to Emergency!!!!! By the time they arrived, he couldn't move at all and was rushed to ICU. He never regained consciousness, as far as she claimed, and she had them take him off life-support only 5 days later. He died Feb.29/04, about 2 months after our Mother. I never got to see him again, in hospital, as we had no income and had already scraped to get me back home those 3 weeks ago. So I also missed his funeral. Our Mother had never gotten a funeral or memorial, thanks to our dad. My brother's partner had already told me 6 months prior to this that she really wanted to leave my brother. After he died, among other horrible comments, she actually told me that God had answered her prayers, with getting him out of her life! I hate her instantly and only stayed in contact with her long enough to get some pictures from the funeral from her and their young son. It has been a nightmare, and this is only a tiny fraction of the whole story. Our remaining brother is a control freak and greedy, just like our father, so he's been not only no help, but is the largest part of the current problems now. The only thing he said to me about our brother's death was, " If he hadn't gone and died, at least I'd have some HELP now." He wasn't sorry to see either him nor our Mother go. I hate him, too, now. Our father is now in a home, and has had to be put under the Province's 'care', as this last brother never paid for his housing or needs, though he had Power Of Attorney for our father. It has been such a mess, I've still been trying to process just my Mom's death, and have had no outlet for my brother's death. The rest of my extended family has bailed on me, one of them even supporting this last brother, despite his lies, cheating and power-hungry ways....and I've been left out in the cold, with not even my Mother's sisters to talk to. I've been betrayed by them all, and don't even know where to begin with my brother's passing, there's so much past history and now this horrifying present. He was only 58 when he died and I've just turned 48. Although we had some big problems in the distant past, I was always closer to him as a sibling ( and really, only close to my Mom in the family in later years ), and we looked alike, had many of the same talents and interests, and I'd looked forward to trying to reestablish an improved relationship with him, to share memories of our Mom with.........now I have no one left. With their passings, I lost my entire family-of-origin and all but 1 or 2 ( the jury's still out on one of them ) relatives. My world has gotten so much smaller. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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