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Major Hard Day!


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Wensday this week was so painful for me. I was in one of those grief dazes driving to a training for teachers. When I got to the training I had an experience that sent me into major triggers of other female losses in my life, starting with my mother. I know some think, including experts, that if you have dealt with the other losses and healed they don't come back. I, however disagree with that. They do come back in different ways, and at different levels. I think the more losses you have experienced, it does not get easier. I have lost my mother at age four, my husband at age 36, my sister at age 58, many pets, and my whole family cut me out of their lives for 20 years, except for my sister. Anyway my point is that I grieved and had counseling for all those losses and still this recent loss of my precious Kokoangel is so hard and so painful and has brought back other memories and losses too.

I did get through Wensday and Thursday, but without much sleep and it was tough. I cannot sleep tonight either, so I decided to write. I still think Koko is going to greet me at the door, and sometimes I think I see her in her favorite chair. I call my cat, her name sometimes, and I miss her like crazy. I went to see my therapist today and she told me the neatest story. It was about a man who was dieing. A few days before he died he told how he had some interesting experiences. He had always been afraid of dogs, especially large ones. Well he said for a couple of days all kinds of dogs were on his bed around him. My therapist asked him if he was afraid. He said no, he was not, in fact it was most comforting and enjoyable to watch the dogs and see them play. He died soon after that experience. I just loved that story and it really lifted my spirit!!!

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I'm sorry for your loss, it doesn't get any easier, in fact, as you have already discovered, a fresh loss triggers old losses and it seems we're dealing with multiple ones at once no matter how long it's been. I hope it starts getting more bearable for you soon.

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