Ben's Birthday

[Lucia Abeytia]

Last fri Oct 7th was Ben's birthday he would have been 65 yrs old this is his 3rd birthday in heaven and it is not getting any easier. I miss him so much I came to Sav. Ga to spend time with my daughter I come to Ga every year for his birthday to be with her she is my baby and I am just so much more comfortable with her...I wonder when this pain is going to go away..everyday I act like everything is alright but it isn't my life will never be the same I miss him so much...I get so tired of hearing poeple tell me I need to get over it it's been almost 3 yrs and I should get on with my life...and I wonder what does that mean I feel like my life ended when Ben passed away...everyone tells me I should take my wedding band off that I am no longer married but i still feel married and wearing my wedding band makes me feel close to him I still remember the day he gave me my ring we had been married over 20 years and he wanted me to have a new set because when we got married we had gotten our wedding ring from an native american that was selling jewlery accross the street from the chapel where we were getting married and I wear a size 4 so we could find one to fit me than Ben saw a childs ring that was a plain band and i tried it on and it fit me so we got it he pd $4 for it but i still treasure that ring it sits in my jewlery box and when I look at it I remeber how happy we were we didn't have alot of money but like he used to say we had each other...I'm sorry for rambaling but I miss him so much I can't stop crying I hope eventually the holidays and birthdays will be easier and i won't cry for a week strait..

[mfh]

Hi Lucia,

I know the pain you are going through. I lost my husband 18 months ago and it hurts today as it did a year ago. I handle it better but the pain is still there and I think some will always be there. I wear my wedding ring AND his on my left hand and i plan to do that until the day I die...and after unless someone takes it off my finger which I am instructing them NOT to do. I feel as married to Bill today as I did before he died. I have a few pushing me to fix the pain but I am pretty much able to ignore them. When they have their turn on this roller coaster we are on, they might understand and in the meantime they do not know what to say or do and want to see you happy. But I stay away from them. I am 71 years old and Bill was the love of my life.

I hope you have taken advantage of grief support from a grief counselor or a support group. The folks here are awesome and will support you but face to face also has a lot to offer.

I wish you peace on this journey none of us want to take.

Mary

[kayc]

Lucia,

Thank you for sharing that with us. I wore a size 4 when I got married too but arthritis has swelled my knuckles so now I need a size 5 1/2 to get a ring over them. I can't get my wedding band on anymore, I had to take it off because it was causing problems with my finger's circulation, that makes me sad because it can't be resized due to having both platinum and yellow gold. I never dreamed my knuckles would get this size. I should wear it as a necklace, because I, like you, know what you mean about it making you feel closer to him. I feel self-conscious because I did remarry but it turned out to not be good and we never even lived together, I wish I'd realized soon enough to get it annulled and I wish I'd taken George's name back but I thought people would think that was stupid...I guess I should have listened to my own heart and what it was telling me.

Please don't listen to what other people say, yes "move on to what" indeed? That's what I've often wondered. Some seem to, I tried, it didn't work. I don't mean just marriage, I mean anything! what is there? I hope to have grandkids someday, maybe that'll help but I know some here have grandkids and it hasn't seemed to help them a lot. And of course even if I do, I don't know how close we'll be in proximity. Right now I need a job and that will help a lot. I don't have many friends and not enough time to get out and make more, plus it costs gas money to drive so I'm alone too much. Sorry, this thread is about you but I wanted you to know I could relate and not to worry about what others think. We keep going and we look for the good in life, but you're right, it's changed completely and won't be the same again until we're together again. The one thing that bugs me is the Bible says there isn't marriage in heaven, okay, maybe not, but even so, I can't imagine George and I being anything less than we are, soulmates and the most important thing in each other's lives, how could it be anything less, we always felt each other's hearts and souls.