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How Much Can One Family Take?


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Hello, this is my first post and I am thankful to have found this site.

My husband and I met and fell in love 20 years ago after his first wife died of breast cancer, leaving him with two daughters...ages 10 and 11...I was divorced with 2 children...a daughter, 5 and a son, 2. We married and 6 months later, my son was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy..a progressive, life shortening, incurable muscle wasting disease. We've coped with that all these years. My husband's closest brother died last year after some sort of freak accident at work which may have involved an undiagnosed heart issue. My husband's sister's son who was 16 at the time, was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Then, my sister who had been in an unhappy marriage, divorced her husband. Six months ago, he died in a motorcycle accident near my house. My sister found happiness with a new man and they were to be married 2 weeks ago. He committed suicide one month ago. Now, my nephew who has the osteosarcoma is at home, under hospice care, dying. One of my daughters just told her husband that she wants a divorce.

I am the shoulder, the ear, the "strong" one for everyone in these situations. Usually I can handle it...but we just can't seem to catch our breath after one tragedy before another one hits!

I haven't been able to cry, but I feel like I am on the verge. I feel like when I am home, around my son, I have to be strong for him. I took food over to my sister-in-law's house and saw my nephew..who was unresponsive..and I was just numb. I just wish I could have a big, heart-wrenching cry and get it over with, but it's not happening.

Sorry if this is rambling, but that's kind of where I am right now. I've always been strong, and I know that I'll get through this, but this is just too much!

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Greetings. And wow, what a pile of trouble. I'm still trying to comprehend the reasons for so much tragedy and grief in life. I want to believe that good and bad breaks are supposed to balance out, but sometimes the run of misfortune is all black. Most of us here have lost family members; that's the worst of it. A huge wave of grief has already hit most of us, and we are still here. I hope you have opportunity to interact with other forum members; we all have our ways of struggling and coping, so we learn from each other. You mention that you are the go-to person for support in your family. So to whom do you go for support? Support from others got real scarce for me early in my own grief. I had to go in for psychological counseling; that helped upright my situation. Anyway, welcome to these forums.

Ron B.

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Thanks for the reply Ron. It was nice to see when I logged on this morning. I have been seeing a counselor, but it seems like all she is doing lately is asking me for updates about all the people who lean on me. I'm going to make an appointment with a hospice counselor. Thanks again for the welcome. I really appreciate it.

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Dear One, I am overwhelmed just reading your account of what is happening in your life; I can only imagine how it feels to be living it. Please know that we stand ready to walk this difficult journey with you, if only to give you the moral support you so richly deserve. It's good to know that you're availing yourself of face-to-face counseling from your hospice. I hope you're also aware of the many care giving resources available to you as well. When you have a few moments, you might want to explore some of those you'll find listed on the Care Giving page of our Grief Healing website. Meanwhile, I hope it brings you some small measure of comfort to know that we are here for you, thinking of you, sending you peace and light.

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Marty,thank you for the comforting words and the resources.

I went to work this morning and got a call about an hour later from my husband that our nephew died this morning. Our niece said it was peaceful and that hospice is there with them. My wonderful boss insisted that I go home and be with my husband and son. She also insisted that I take the whole week off...even though they are already short-handed with someone out on vacation.

I called Hospice for some counseling assistance and when they asked the patient's name, I told them we could pick between any of the 3 cases we are related to..my son, my sister and niece, or my nephew. Wow. I am hoping that they call back soon and we can set up appointments.

I am just going to take 5 minutes at a time right now and try to eat well and rest. I will look at the links you gave me and I'm sure find some comfort there.

Thank you again for reaching out to me, I appreciate it.

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Dear Serenebeach,

The name you have chosen also seems like a place you need to escape to when it works out...serene beach. I am just so sorry for all the pain you have been through and are going through. It is never ending. KNow that we are all here and though we don't have a plate full like you have, we are all grieving. Come back often.

Peace,

Mary mfh

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This morning I am preparing to go to my nephew's funeral. My sister-in-law called me last night, sobbing, asking me to help her get through today. It is just so tremendously painful. It is compounded by the other tragic losses we've experienced and the fact that it takes me to a place I don't want to go regarding my own son and his condition. I have actually been feeling dizzy this morning, which I attribute to my emotional state. I am so disappointed in our hospice right now because I put in a call to them on Monday morning telling them about everything and requesting counseling and I still have not heard back from anyone. The person I spoke to was wonderfully compassionate and I do realize that it is a holiday week, but I would have thought someone would have at least called me by Wednesday to set something up for next week. I don't know if this is the standard, but it has left me feeling a little alone. It does help to be able to come here and vent a little. Thank you for being here. I just need to get through the next few hours.

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I am so sorry this is such a tough time for you filled with loss. I would put in another call to Hospice...something could have happened to intercept your message...do call them again. I know today will be very tough....somehow we get through these things. I too experieniced dizziness after my husband died...seems to be a common symptom but if it continues...check it out.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

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Dear One, I'm so sorry your hospice has not responded to your call. Like Mary, I think you should try calling again ~ although I don't know how well staffed they are over the weekend. Meanwhile, please know that we are thinking of you and your family, and holding you tenderly in our hearts. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Well, my husband just lost his job today. Unbelievable! If someone told me our story I would think they had made it up!

I called Hospice on Monday and apparently, someone had dropped the ball. The counselor called me yesterday and I will get back to her to set something up.

I don't even know what to feel anymore.

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