STARKISS Posted February 5, 2012 Report Share Posted February 5, 2012 Hi All it is official i have to change therapists as my therapist i have now is raising her prices and i now can not afford her anymore... i did a session today and it was about my journal i found that i wrote when my parents had both died and left me all alone.. it was so amazing the things i wrote in this journal things i had forgotten i had even written about... It made me cry so much while i shared it with my therapist... I do not know what i am going to do... the thought of starting up with a new therapist scares me to death all the bad memories relived all over again... i have lost one therapist all ready and this will be the second... I do not think i can do it a third time... shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron B. Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Hi Shelly. I've seen a bunch of therapists over a couple decades. More than a dozen, I'm pretty sure. Some for single sessions, others for therapy running several months. With most I did give some relevant background about my personal history. But that wasn't the main thing. At any one time I was trying to solve specific psychological difficulties. Issues I had when in college, are different from the issues I had in the workplace, which are different from my issues with grief. Sometimes the therapy is about fixing current problems, and not about regurgitating personal history. Like you, each time I tell my story, it gets a little worn. And I don't like feeling stuck in my own past. I prefer to believe that my story is evolving, and that I have choices that can influence how my life develops. So I think it's OK sometimes to bury old stuff if it hurts. There are a lot of things from my past that I don't want to replay or rehash. Like you and like everyone else here, I don't need more emotional ordeal than I'm already carrying. So I go light on my past issues when I can. I like the idea that I have fresh choices, that I can move on, that I am free, that I am not stuck. But I understand your predicament. Somehow you have to clue in a new therapist about your issues. My stomach used to go into knots in those situations. But now I'm getting too old for that! Somehow I am learning to be simple and honest in what I say. I don't know if this will make sense to you, but sometimes it really helps me to be blunt. Otherwise I keep beating around the bush with my feelings and with what I am trying to say. Probably your feelings and thoughts will evolve as you work to find a new therapist. Why rush things, if your motivation is on empty? Think it over! Gather your thoughts. Give it the time it needs. When you've got to move forward on the issue, you will know. Trust yourself to make the right decisions! Ron B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted February 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Hi All, Well i went to a sexual abuse support group for the first time, it has been very bad for me and i wanted to find help but had no willingness to get it... I was on a website called meet ups and found this support group on there... I did go after telling them twice i did not want to go... I found some courage somewhere inside of me... After talking with the orgainizer of the group i found out she was going to the same place my therapist wants me to go and she told me all about it... It has help me decide to finally call these people and seek another therapist... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Shelley, dear, I am so proud of you! You are so much braver than you think you are! Right now I am giving you a standing ovation! Hip, hip hooray! ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted February 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Thanks Marty, It is only the first step and i know that when we start telling our stories i will be the biggest baby of them all... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Where I live there are numerous grief conseling service for free. Might want to try checking into that-? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 Hi All, I am so scared to phone another therapist, my therapist I have now is willing to keep seeing me twice a month but still wants me to connect to the new therapist... She wants me to have more people on my mental health team but I am still very nervous...shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted March 5, 2012 Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 Shelley, it is normal to be nervous about opening up pain and abuse. You can do this and your strength will carry you through these rough waters. We are all behind you....keep on keeping on. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hi All, Right now I am having a very hard time and have no one to talk to, I have not switched over with therapists and my old one wants me to so she is not seeing me as often trying to get me to do the switch... I am so nervous and I just wish I could just reach out but I think it is just the thought of losing another therapist... I am scared to open up all over again and start to trust someone else to find another therapist to stop and make me start over and over again... I can not do it anymore... I feel so stressed about it... I want to do it but have so many fears in me... I would love to be able to trust but what if i do and the same thing happens again... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 As frightening as the switch is...understandably loss is an issue....if you make the switch ironically it might be the easier of the two options. Not moving to a new therapist means you are focused on that fear and back and forth decision making process instead of what needs your attention. Making the switch, as hard as that is for you, gives you the chance to get back to the pain you are dealing with. I know it is hard to trust right now but I KNOW you can do this. You have handled far worse than this. Why not give it a shot. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hi Mary, Thanks for caring but I just can not face that fear about opening up again and having them stopping the therapy again.. I have had lots of trust issues and with all the abuse and self esteem issues I have I just can not face anyone new right now... But I am still very depressed... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 Is your therapist going to stop seeing you if you do not switch? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 Shelley, dear, there is not a person among us who does not understand and appreciate your fear, and I have a feeling that your therapist understands and appreciates it just as much as we do. I don't think she would be putting you in this position if she did not think you were strong enough to follow her advice. She knows you almost as well as you know yourself, and she believes that you are strong enough to do this. As you said earlier, she thinks you need to expand your own support system so you have another professional person to turn to when you are feeling like this, and she has advised you to add another therapist to your circle. You have a choice here ~ it is not that you cannot do this ~ rather, it is that you do not want to do it. There is a difference. But every time this happens, every time you must start over with a new therapist, you are learning a powerful lesson: You are learning that you can do it, even though it is hard. It is also true that people come and go in our lives, Shelley, and we all must learn how to deal with that ~ otherwise we spend our lives not much different from little children who never grow up, never leave home and never learn to operate as independent adults. Your parents never gave you the opportunity to learn how to do that ~ whether it was intentional or not, they kept you little and very tied to them. But they are gone now, and you ARE a grown-up adult, and your therapist is pushing you toward that independence you never had a chance to learn before. I think your therapist is challenging you now because she thinks you are strong enough to take it. Of course everything in you is reacting with No, No, No because you are afraid. But life is full of risks, and every time you take one of those risks, you learn that it wasn't nearly as bad as you feared it would be, and you get just a little bit stronger than you were before. That is how we grow, Shelley. Growth and change are hard, but you are just as strong as the rest of us, and we all know you well enough to know that you can do this. You are depressed. You know you are in trouble. You know what you need to do. And once you let your new therapist know how afraid you are, and how reluctant you are to begin again with someone new, she will help you with those trust issues. That is what she is trained to do. We are behind you and we are pulling for you, Shelley. Please go ahead, take that risk, and make that call. And then come back on here and tell us that you've done it, so we can give you another standing ovation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hi All, Just wanted everyone to know that I called the new therapist tonight and talked to a lady receptionist and she told me that it is a 6 to 8 week waiting list but that she copied my information down and that the list was going fast and it might not take the full 6 to 8 weeks... Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Good for you, Shelley. Hopefully it wi come around quickly. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Shelley, I am standing. I am cheering. I am applauding you. I am proud of you. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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