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Just Starting Hospice


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We just got home last night after spending 15 days in the hospital. They did a second biopsy to see if the area that had become agressive had transformed into another type of lymphoma on top of what he already has, and unfortunatly it has transformed. They said they could treat it agressively with chemo, but that it would only hold it off for a while, wouldn't cure it. Jim and I cried and talked it over, we decided we want him to have quality of life, even if it means giving up some quantity of life. I don't want him to suffer, I just want as much time with him as I can, five years isn't long enough! So, today the nurse is coming out to sign us up for hospice. when we were sitting in his hospital room, he said he was getting stir crazy and just wanted to get home, I told him I understood that but they needed to make sure he had everything he needed set up before they could send him home. He replied, I have everything I need, I have you! This made me feel so good to hear those words. We had planned on getting married after I finished scool later this year, but after he was

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Sorry my computer messed up, and wouldn't let me finish typing. After he was diagnosed he tried several times to push me away, but I let him know I wasn't going anywhere. I told him no matter what we found out, good or bad, I would be by his side, and protect and take care of him. I think he realizes that now!

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Dear amw

We are all here for you...come as often as you can/wish to and share your pain. We are all walking this path.

Peace

Mary

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Thank you both for your support. I mentioned in an earlier post that we had planned to get married after I finished my schooling, but then after he was diagnosed he tried pushing me away, I held firm and told him I wasn't going anywhere. Now he has brought up the subject of marriage, and wants to marry me soon. It is now bitter sweet, as I know how short it will be, but I love him and we have been together for better or worse for the past five years anyway, now it will just have the paper to prove it. The hardest part for me is I don't want him to give up, I want him here with me for as long as I can have him, yet I don't want him suffering and just holding on for my sake. How do you say goodbye?

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As you know you have little to no control over when or if he gives up and his choice to hold on for your sake. Maybe he does not have much choice either. You just have to be you loving him. As for saying good-bye, I would guess the best thing you can do is be open with him about what lies ahead, say the things you need and want to say, and cherish each moment you have as you live consciously in those moments. So easy to say, a challenge to accomplish. This is a tough chapter in both of your lives....I am so sorry that it is happening to you. Dreams and hopes and plans dashed and disappearing. I am so sorry.

Peace in those moments

Mary

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