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The Dark...still Here


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I'll See You Again (a tear jerker)

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The soul still sings in the darkness telling of the beauty she found there; and daring us not to think that because she passed through such tortures of anguish, doubt, dread, and horror, as has been said, she ran any the more danger of being lost in the night. Nay, in the darkness did she, rather, find herself.

St. John, Dark Night of the Soul

I saw this quote on Dr. Joanne Cacciatore's site and I kept going back to it....I read Dark Night of the Soul (the poem and treatise) years ago....along with many other books about and by the mystics. It is time to read John of the Cross again. Someday, I hope, to claim these thoughts for my own, i.e.....that I will find beauty in this darkness; that I will not be lost but rather find myself in this darkness. I knew eventually this journey would come to a place where I must sit in darkness...But this is like no other I have lived/experienced. This part of my journey is....well...once again I am without words. But I am still here. I drink an increasing amount of water these days to replace the tears I am shedding...needing solitude but the loneliness of it is challenging...death is painful...as is birth.

Peace,

Mary

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Marc

I am glad my post helped a bit. I am not really sure why I posted it either but it felt right. As you see, I too am in a dark place. Light has to come.

Mary

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Dear Mary,

I don't get it. There are times I feel worse than ever. I cry at the drop of a hat. Is it, perhaps, that this level of love means the numbness does not go out as quickly? Is 16 months sometimes the equivalent of 16 days or 16 weeks?

Or is this the second year doldrums that others have written about?

I don't know, but I am confident we will figure this out eventually.

Peace,

Harry

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Harry,

I look at these two years and see myself doing the drops on rollercoasters; getting knocked over by waves at the water's edge; swept under in a tsunami and now in a cave beneath the earth in the dark....I am, at this time, dealing with the 2nd anniversary tomorrow and also looking really hard at me, at my new life and the life Bill and I had....it is a time of introspection and grief, birthing me somehow-sometime and grieving loss. I also cry at the drop of a hat. Yesterday I had a lovely evening with friends who get my pain and then cried all the way home...

What I know for sure is that I no longer question the process. It is what it is and it takes as long as it takes. I just experience it and let it be and hopefully use most of the moments wisely....whatever that means at any given time.

For a control freak this is quite a journey. Letting go, birthing, floating with the river, sometimes fighting it when it comes to yearning/longing for Bill to be here now. I do agree with you that the deeper the love, the greater the oneness-the more difficult this journey. I have surrendered to this process and quit running from it...but rather allowing it to be what it is. It hurts. I cry. I have good moments. I cry. It hurts.

Peace

Mary

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Dear Mary,

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. You're right--it is what it is--and for a control freak the lack of control is maddening.

Peace,

Harry

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Dear Mary,

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. You're right--it is what it is--and for a control freak the lack of control is maddening.

Peace,

Harry

Thank you so much, Harry

Peace,

Mary

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Mary,

I can so relate...I too have read Dark Night of the Soul and St. John of the Cross and many other mystics. There are things they write that our souls say Amen to but they're hard to put into words for someone else impossible to explain to someone who hasn't been there. One thing I have learned from these writings and from my experiences is that it is nothing to fear...there are things to be learned and gleaned even in the darkness and there can be peace there as well. It is our fighting things that stirs up the unrest.

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