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She's been dead for a little shy of 6 months. Unlike my father, mom was buried right here in town. She did that specifically for us kids because she saw how hard it was for us to not be able to visit dad. But I can't bring myself to visit her. I think part of the problem is that we (my brother and I) are fighting with the monument place for her tombstone, which we paid for in full back in November. They have all these excuses as to why they aren't calling back and why the product was never delivered etc etc.

I can't visit a decapitated grave.

But I can't help wonder if this is the only problem? I think I'm using that as an excuse and I'm not sure why... Why don't I want to go see mom? What am I really afraid of?

In 14 years I only went to visit my dad once. I don't feel any guilt because of it. But all week I've felt this overwhelming guilt for not visiting mom. I'm struggling with the 6 month mark and the fact that mother's day is approaching. I wish I could hear the sound of her humming, she never even noticed she was doing that half the time. I miss her so much. I wish I could hug you one last time mum, I love you so much!

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I am so very sorry for your loss. The loss of parents, both of them, is so hard. I don't care how old we are, we always seem to want to talk to our parents. It's just hard, isn't it.

My mother has been gone for many, many years. She died when she was 49 years old, on the day after my son's, her first grandchild's, 2nd birthday. For the first two or three years after her death, we visited her grave. Each time was difficult for me. It never got easier, I never found no comfort from the visit. Finally, I decided to spend my time remembering her as she was before she became ill and died. I decided to remember her as she was...a loving, supportive, vibrant mother/grandmother.

My father died four years ago. After the funeral, I have never been to the grave site. I have no plans to do so. Again, I choose to remember him as the loving, strong, supportive father/grandfather.

I totally understand your frustration with the monument people. That's just not right!!! They should be ashamed of themselves. Keep Bugging Them!!!

In my opinion, we each need to discover how we best deal with the loss. No one can tell us how we ought/should/need to react. Give yourself some time. Be patient and gentle with yourself. When the time is right, you will know and you will be able to do what you need to do.



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