Triggers

[Queeniemary]

So many things can be triggers for us, and sometimes they are totally unexpected, I guess most times. What are some of the things that have triggered unexpected or almost forgotten memories for you all?

I had a particularly unexpected one show up for me yesterday during therapy at the hospital. My orthopedic surgeon has ordered some strengthening therapy for my left knee (TKR 11 years ago) as I have been having some pain, and a little giving with it. We are hoping to strengthen the muscle to prevent having to have a revision. The other knee, right one, done just before Mike's death in 2010 is good. Anyway, Thursday, the therapy was over, and the sweet pt took me into another room and had me get on a bed in the corner and put ice on my knee for 10 minutes. As I lay there, the oddest sensation came over me, and tears came into my eyes. I could almost literally hear Mike's voice, joking with me, saying, "So, this is what you do in therapy, just lay around". I cannot remember the particular incident, but I know this had to have been a memory of when I was in therapy sometime during the couple of years before Mike died. I was in therapy once for trying to strengthen my right knee to try to prevent having to have a TKR, and once for therapy after rotator cuff surgery. This therapy unit was opened in 2008 (I asked), and the old therapy unit closed. I know that at some time in the two years before Mike's death, that very incident happened, with me laying on that same bed icing either knee or shoulder, and him saying those joking words to me. I could just hear his voice so clearly in my mind. In all of these times Mike would have been taking me to therapy, then coming back to pick me up. I came home and cried, wishing I could remember everything clearly. It was so Mike!! It was almost like I expected to see him come through the door of that room. Wish he had.

Good visit today with my bariatric surgeon in Little Rock today, he is very happy with me, I am one of his success stories. My surgery was in 2003. He told me not to get too comfortable (meaning I had put on a little weight since last year, 15 pounds), and I told him I was working on it. Son in law and I ate at a great little restaurant in Conway Arkansas,on the way home named.....Mike's Place. We found it by accident, and it seemed prophetic. Really great food. Mike would have loved it, lots of good cajan dishes, seafood, gumbo, as well as other things. Mike was from Baton Rouge, and he liked his cajan food!

Got the movie Joyful Noise this week, going to watch it tonight with a young friend, and also a movie called Hangover 2. Should be an interesting night!

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

Mary, I do get it how strange memories or things we never thought of come out of the blue. I pulled a mug out of the cabinet to have some coffee and it was a mug we bought in London and had a long story attached. I have used it several times since Bill died and each time I tend to remember buying it there but today somehow it just led to a bucket of tears. Maybe because I feel vulnerable as I work on my last issue...shed some tears on that today to...but I do have ambushes get me often...not as often as year 1 but still my focus is on Bill, his death, our loss more often than not. One does not just put aside so many years of loving and sharing.... ambushes will continue...I am sure. Every night when the train goes through town, I see Bill standing in front of me one night as he was about to sit down...and his face beamed as he said "Mute the TV" which I did so we could hear the whistle more clearly. We both love the sound and it blows 5 times at each of the 5 intersections in town. There are hundreds of little things like this that no one else knows and i am sure would get tired of hearing about. I miss the sharing so much.

Back to work. I hope by tomorrow night to have this last issue 90% done. I am doing an art workshop Sunday called Soul Collage...should be deep and calming among other things. My art instructor is also taking it. Something I may be able to use with clients someday IF I choose to see clients in the future.

I am glad your bariatric surgeon is happy. I find it harder to lose weight these days. It is easier when my schedule is not so crazy. Peace, Mary

[kayc]

For me there are a million triggers...every time I get the box of Christmas ornaments out...seeing the hummingbirds come to feed or the beautiful flowers...I dispensed with real flowers after George died (we always planted and tended them together), but this year my son and daughter-in-law planted flowers for me, it's a reminder.

The most bizarre and unexpected trigger was maybe a couple of years after George died...I left my car off to be worked on and took their shuttle back to work. When the driver took off, it dawned on me, George rode on this very same shuttle, and I just started bawling. Lord knows what everyone else on there thought!

[mfh]

Kay, a million triggers says it so well.

Mary