Disappearing

[zeeks]

It has been 6 long years , yet it seems so short. Alone and fighting to breathe...he is missing seeing the girls grow up, or is he? So many unanswered questions, yet the only one I could ever talk with, the only one besides God that understood me and how I talked or what I meant is gone. How can I find answers when there is no one to go and chat face to face with? The oldest started junior high today, the younger one third grade. I as a person am fading from their lives too as they seek more independence. Does anyone remember what a wonderful grandpa, husband, and father he was? What a fabulous man he was? I always will... I miss him so much. I start back to school in a week too... at least in studying and homework, mine and the 2 girls I have no time to miss and cry as much. Thank you for the release... this is about the only place I have to release.

If anyone out there needs to tell how special their spouse was I love to read those memories... thanks!

[lizardo]

Wow Zeeks,

My heart goes out to you! I totally know what you mean about fighting to breathe (and it's not just the altitude) and feeling so alone despite the numerous

offers of help and support. My husband died April 29, so I guess I'm still in the shocky-stages, and although our marriage was, um, challenged, I miss him

terribly. Our sons are grown men now, and they are wonderful, in part because they had his excellent example of how to be a man. I really feel for you,

having to raise your daughters by yourself. Their independence is a testament to your solid parenting, and even though it does hurt a bit when they don't need you

every single day, please believe me when I tell you that adult kids are also going to want your help in the future! And good on you for going back to school--

that is my plan as well.

Here's a cool story about my husband: once our family was on a road-trip vacation and found ourselves at Circus Circus in Vegas. Wandering the carnival-type area,

we spot the game where you ring the bell by pounding on the target with a giant mallet. He was an ex-railroader with massive shoulders, so he just

wailed on that thing until a small crowd had gathered and he won two huge teddy bears, one for each kid..... but I took the best prize home, my Big 'D'.

Hope the anecdote lifted your spirits... and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings--hugs!

[kayc]

zeeks,

I hope you feel a little less alone, coming here. Your kids may be getting independent, but they're still young enough to need you. I have to hand it to you, going back to school, that takes a lot, I hope you're enjoying it and do well!

My George was such a special man, no one like him, no one at all. He was the heart, I was the brain, never did I see such a caring man! When he died, I found a post-it in his wallet with a list of things to do/buy for others, and I knew who they were for. He'd bought an air mattress for a homeless person. The guy showed up at his funeral and I tried to deliver the air mattress the next week but he'd gone into hiding I guess. George cared about everyone, esp. those "down and out". I was always the one to bring him down to earth, I felt like a spoil sport, but his heart never ceased to amaze me. He was also a big man, not tall, but big broad shoulders and chest and arms, with a slim waist, he looked very intimidating if you didn't know him.

[marcplum]

Zeeks, I have read your post a number of times. It touches a subject, that for me at least, is difficult to repond to. It should not be that hard to share with anyone who would listen, just how much I loved my wife, and yet as time unfolds I just figure no one wants to hear my sad story anymore. But I am glad you were able to say what you did in your post, it makes me realize that no matter how much time goes by, I will always love my wife. Stay strong, you are not disappearing, you are transfiguring. Marc