I Lost My Dad On August 5Th Due To Bone Marrow Cancer

[Leticia]

Hello My name is Leticia. I live in Surprise AZ. I recently lost my dad to bone marrow cancer. My dad was 80 years old and lived a wonderful life until this cancer. We come from a large family of 9 kids. I'm second to the youngest. I also feel like I was the closest to him. I know everyone deals with death in their own way, but instead of getting easier to deal with, it seems to be getting harder. Instead of remembering the good times more than the bad, it keeps coming back on how sick and thin and frail that he'd gotten. When i see my brothers and sisters laughing about something, i get upset, inside me i'm thinking did they already forget about dad? I know I shouldn't feel like that but I do.I was a daddy's girl though! How do you get over something like this? Recently, I'v been coming to my room just to spend time by myself. I don't want to be depressed. I just dont know what to do.

[Natasha]

I'm the baby of the family, and I SO get what you are saying. My sisters seem to have a better grip on the death of our mom and I find its harder every single day. What's been helping me is writing, I journal at least once a day. From how I'm feeling, who I saw, what I ate and what I miss about my mom or just memories. It hurts as you write, but you get it off your chest. *big hugs* I saw a therapist last week, and she said replace the bad or upsetting memories of the last time you saw your parent, with a better one. So I look at the picture of my mom I have on a locket whenever I see her in my mind, how she was when I found her dead. That image wouldn't leave until I replaced it with a better one. Hope that helps a bit.

[Beth M]

Hi Leticia. I lost my dad in January, he was 65. I don't have the same experience as you of watching my dad get thin and frail, but I certainly saw him become less able to do things in the last few weeks before he got more sick. I had a really difficult time in the first few months and felt that my grief was always with me, my brain didn't work well and I didn't want to be around anyone if I didn't have to. I went to a Hospice counselor once because I wanted to have tools that allowed me not to be so consumed with my grief. What she said to do helped me, it may not you, but I will share what she told me. She had me make a box with my favorite memories of my dad. I filled my box with pictures and momentos that brought back strong positive memories, they also made me cry, but there were positive memories as well. She said during the day when I became overwhelmed with feelings of grief or simply just missed my dad to remind myself that I would have time later to think of these things. Then every night I gave myself 30 minutes away from my boys, my husband, the tv, the phone etc... and went through my box. This gives me uniterrupted time to really deal with the feelings that I am having but still allows me to be present for my family and school etc... I love that time with my memories and now there are nights it makes me laugh thinking of those memories, when I truly never thought I would want to laugh again. Give yourself time, your loss is so new. I miss my dad everyday, but you still have to live your life, my dad would be very angry with me if I didn't! Good luck, my thoughts are with you Beth